Monthly Archives: September 2012

Some Things to Keep in Mind BEFORE Querying an Agent (Part 3)

We’ve come to the end of a long journey, my friends.  Thank you for sticking with me this far.  I’ve got some last points to make, and then I’ll let you be on your merry way.  So let’s get to it!  The finale!

#8 – When we tell you we’re swamped – we mean it!

This is basically a reiteration of what I said in my previous post, but with more focus on the rejection letters you will inevitably receive.  Most rejection letters will include an apology that goes something like, “While your book is no doubt wonderful, we have decided to pass as this time.  Please understand that we receive a great deal of submissions each day, yadda yadda.”  Just wanted to let you know…we mean it when we say that.  When we reject you, it really doesn’t mean that your book is bad and that you should stop trying.  That being said, there are some things you should keep in mind…

#9 – Do YOU like your book?

How do I say this?  Of course you have to like your book if you believe in it enough to send it out to agents, but…have you read similar titles?  Have you compared your book to other books you like and seen if it holds up to the already published books’ high standards?  They say you are your own worst critic.  I think that’s good.  It’s when you’re your own biggest fan that you run into trouble.  If you’re unable to cast a critical eye on your own work, play devil’s advocate and anticipate the criticisms that agents are going to give, then your book probably isn’t quite ready to be unleashed on the world.

When I talked about doing your research in my last post, and having other people read your work, I really, really meant it.  Because we are busy, and we don’t want to have our time wasted by the first 100 pages of literary nonsense that fell out of your brain.  It’s harsh, but it’s true.  A lot of people think agents are there to do your critiquing and revising for you, but that’s just not right.  We can’t take on a book unless it’s as close to finished as it can possibly get without the help of a professional editor.  Our jobs are on the line if your book doesn’t sell, so we can’t take on a project that only has the potential for being good.  Because there’s no guarantee that the author will be receptive to our criticism, and, even if they are, they still might not be able to make the changes we want to see.

And finally…

#10 – How is your book different from the hundreds of thousands that are already out there?

When agents like a book, they have to go through the same process that authors do – querying.  Only agents query the publishers, and the publishers aren’t keen on taking on every project that gets sent their way.  So we have to know why this book is unique and different and guaranteed to sell a million copies.  Which means you have to know all that, and you have to tell us!  When you do your research and find other similar titles, you have to tell us that you’ve looked at them, and that yours is different because it has/does/includes____________________, which none of those other books have done.  Now, this doesn’t necessarily have to be included in the query, though it wouldn’t hurt, but you should be prepared to answer those questions in case they’re asked.  Especially if you know that your book is really, really similar to, say, the Sherlock Holmes series.  We’re going to want to know how you’re different from a Sir Arthur Conan Doyle wannabe, and you’d better be prepared with a better answer than, “My book takes place in present day.”

That’s it!  We’re done!  Hooray!  I hope I was somewhat helpful.

Word of the Day: Finale (n) – The last piece, division, or movement of a concert, opera, or composition.

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Some Things to Keep in Mind BEFORE Querying an Agent (Part 2)

It’s time for more whirlwind advice from a lowly literary intern.  Today we’re going to look at a couple big DON’Ts, and maybe a DO if we have time.  Let’s get to it!

#4 – Don’t ramble on and on! (I know, I should take my own advice, right?)

We get lots of query letters and emails.  Hundreds a month.  And we’re one of the smaller agencies out there.  It’s our job to read and respond to all of those queries as quickly as possible.  This means that we do not have time to read your life story.  Your query should tell us exactly what we want to know – and nothing more.  This usually includes a brief synopsis of your work, a breakdown of what categories your work fits in to (Young Adult/Adult; Fiction/Nonfiction; etc.), word count and assurance that the manuscript/proposal is complete, and a little bit about yourself.  If you’ve been published before, have an MFA in Creative Writing, whatever, we do want to know that.  We may even want to know how you heard about us.  What we don’t want is:

Hi there, agents!  How are you today?  I’m doing fine, thank you.  (I just assumed you asked me how I was back)  I heard about you on Writing Website and then I read all of the novels you’ve represented and I decided we just had to work together.  Please consider my novel, Hitting on Dummies.  It’s kind of a Satire-Meets-Parody-Meets-Film Noir type deal.  Now let me provide you with a three-page synopsis, the first seven chapters, and my life history…

Did you get bored reading that?  Maybe not, since I tried to make it funny, but things like this do happen.  My coworkers and I often sigh in frustration as we mutter to the computer screen, begging the email to somehow produce the vital details that we’ve desperately been searching for through all the fluff.

I’m not saying you should be curt or rude, or risk cutting down your synopsis for the sake of brevity, but when querying an agent, believe me – less is more.

#5 – Do your research!

I’m putting this in here because it ties in to the previous point.  I know doing research is a bore, but it’s necessary.  Each agent has different specifications for queries – some aren’t accepting unsolicited queries at this time, some only want a synopsis and a brief bio, others want you to include some sample chapters with your query (usually in the body of the email, when sent electronically), and some will specifically state that they don’t represent certain genres – and that genre might be yours!  (We have received several queries for children’s picture books, which we simply do not represent.  End of story.  Aw, crap, I’ll leave that in, but no pun intended.)  Others still will tell you that they don’t accept snail mail queries, and some others even want you to spell their name right.  Yes, as I’ve said, we’ve seen some interesting variations of our boss’ name.  If nothing else, please make sure you get the name and sex/gender/pronouns of the agent you’re querying right.  And do try to make it personal.  Chances are, your query isn’t going to be read by the agent him/her/themself, but address it to them anyway.  No “To whom it may concern” or “Dear Sir/Madam.”  I’ve seen both, and it made me feel like the author couldn’t be bothered to look up who they were writing to.  This also leads me to…

#6 – Your query will most likely not be read by the agent you’re addressing.

Did you see what I said up there about the hundreds of queries a month?  Did you note that I’m an intern?  That’s because there is just no way that one person could possibly handle that influx of queries – not to mention other business information.

So don’t kid yourself.  An intern or an assistant is probably going to be reading your query first, but they are just as important as the agent, if not more.  In order to get the agent to take notice of your work, you first have to impress the intern.  So listen to the advice I’m giving, because this is the kind of stuff I pay attention to before telling my boss she should look at a book.  And don’t be offended by the idea that the agent probably isn’t going to even look at your query letter.  First try to answer 150 emails a day, 5 days a week.  Then tell me you don’t want interns reading your query.

Finally…

#7 – Don’t ask us to recommend other agents to you if we reject you.

We’ve gotten this a few times:  We send out a rejection, and the author writes back thanking us for our time, and asking us if we could maybe possibly recommend some other agents that they might maybe possibly be able to query.  Here’s why this is bad:

Remember the “Do your research” advice up there?  Remember the “We get a ton of emails every day that we have to answer”?  We’re not going to do your research for you, Lazy McGee.

And we’re certainly not going to give you other agents’ names, because it’s possible that you might then write to that agent saying, “I got a glowing recommendation from this other agent, and he/she/they said that you’d probably be really interested in my work.”  That’s not what we said, but you could certainly lie, and we wouldn’t be able to stop you.  And then our reputation would be on the line.  So don’t ask us, because we won’t tell you.

That’s all for now!  I think I’ll dedicate one more post to this subject, and then I’ll be done with it.

Word of the Day: Ignoramus (n) – an extremely ignorant person.

(Hint: Don’t be one of those)

Also, this XKCD made me think of, well…me.

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Some Things to Keep in Mind BEFORE Querying an Agent (Part 1)

Working at a literary agency has really given me some new perspective on how dense authors can be (myself included).  While I am in no position to share any specific examples to back up what I am about to say, for the sake of the authors’ privacy, I believe I have learned quite a few things that can help aspiring authors (and screenwriters I suppose) to present the best possible query.  The result will be this blog post, and probably one other, if not more.  It depends how well I stem my urge to ramble.  Spoiler alert: I probably won’t do so well.  I’m already failing, and I haven’t even started yet.  So…without further ado, we begin the list!

#1 – Your book is not your baby!

This bit of advice is something that will help you not only in the querying stage, but also beyond that, when editors start to take a look at your work.  The fact of the matter is, if you want your book to get published (or your screenplay to be taken seriously), you are going to have to accept the fact that many people are going to read it, and they are all going to have their own opinions.  Those opinions will largely affect how your finished book looks when it’s finally there, in all its hard-covered glory, on the shelves in the store.  And if you want to see that happen, you have to remember that these people’s opinions aren’t things to be taken lightly or ignored – these people are professionals.  They know what they’re doing, and – just in case you don’t believe me yet – their paycheck also depends on your book being bought by more than two people who only bought it by accident because their grandmother recommended The Setting Sun and your book is titled The Setting Son.  So you better believe they’re going to do their damndest to make it the best, most marketable thing out there.  Hence Twilight.  And if you’re sitting there kvetching and whining, saying things like, “But I can’t change that part!  Jill’s encounter with the Yeti is a crucial subplot that plays a vital role in the development of the Yeti’s character!”  then say goodbye to that book deal, and the shelf space at the Barnes & Noble.

In conclusion, yes, it’s your book.  You created it.  But don’t be like the one guy who queried us and then, upon receiving a request for the first fifty pages of his manuscript, sent in the entire self-published book because he “couldn’t bear to cut up his work.”  That there is a warning sign right off the bat.

#2 – Proofread your query letter and your manuscript before submitting them.  This includes having someone else read them.  Someone who doesn’t fear incurring your wrath should they offer a suggestion for revision.

This one seems like it should be obvious.  It isn’t, apparently.  I have had people write in with missing punctuation and misspelled words and proper nouns.  Even my boss’ name has been misspelled a couple times, and you’d think that’d be the one thing people would make sure to get right.  Nope.  Proofread your work, people.  Then have someone else read it.  Someone who knows what they’re talking about would be best.  And, just a side note, if they start laughing from reading your query – and it’s not supposed to be funny – maybe go back to the drawing board.  I have to admit that I have encountered quite a few queries that – for one reason or another – have brought a chuckle out of me.  Either because the writing is poor, the plot is shaky, or the grammatical errors are so egregious.  So really, really look at your query and your manuscript before submitting it, and if someone else reads it and offers you their thoughts, don’t get defensive.  They could be on to something.

Which leads me to…

#3 – Learn to take constructive criticism 

I won’t spend too long on this, because I pretty much already said what I need to say for this in item #1.  If someone gives you a suggestion for how to revise, or how something might be improved, don’t get haughty.  If it’s good advice, take it.  Sure, that’s up to your discretion, but also take into account whom you receive the advice from.   As I said above, literary agents and editors want your work to sell just as much as you do, so if they send you back some form of a critique, pay attention to it.  Even if it hurts your pride.  Because, again, your book is not your baby.  If someone tells you your son can be improved by removing his right arm and replacing it with a fire extinguisher, feel free to ignore them.  If someone tells you that your main character seems a little one-dimensional, roll with it.  Maybe they have a point, and you should try to fix it.

That’s all for today!  Tune in next time for more  of my expert advice!

Word of the Day: Haughty (adj) – disdainfully proud; snobbish; scornfully arrogant; supercilious

And, for your edification (and mine, since I didn’t know this): Supercilious (adj) – haughtily disdainful or contemptuous, as a person or facial expression.

Oh all right, this one too: Egregious (adj) – extraordinary in some bad way; glaring; flagrant

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