Category Archives: poetry

Other Things I’ve Been Doing

After my last post displayed me sitting in a corner, gathering dust, I decided to showcase a couple other things that I’ve been up to.  That way I won’t appear quite so lazy.  Don’t get me wrong – I’m plenty lazy.  Just not that lazy.  Even I have my limits.

First, I made a teeny tiny change to my personal appearance.  Some may remember the picture below from this post.  I actually fixed it up a little bit since I know how to use Photoshop better now.  And by “better” I mean I learned what the smudge tool was.

meandme2

Well… now there’s an even bigger problem…

Me and Me 2

Yeah, I got a haircut.  Once every few years or so I get bored with looking like Cousin Itt, so I get all my hair cut off.  The problem is exactly what Mini Bex is saying above: I now look nothing like my adorable little doppelganger.  Other than her signature purple shirt, her only real distinctive trait is her long, messy hair.  So does that mean Mini Bex will be getting a haircut, too?

Haircut

Nah.  She’s just fine the way she is.  I’m pretty sure no one would recognize her if she had shorter hair.  They’d be all like, “Wow, is there a new character in this blog?  Follow up question: Did she steal Mini Bex’s purple shirt?  Follow up to the follow up: Did she murder Mini Bex for her purple shirt?”

So Mini Bex gets to keep her long hair.

What else have I been doing?

Art, of a sort.

It all started when I was doing some calligraphy practice using chisel tip markers.

Original Aliens

Then, days later, I accidentally set something wet down on top of the paper.  This led me to discover something neat, and I started adding more water.

Aliens

Then I decided to take it a step further and start doing this stuff on purpose.  I chose to work with a line of poetry that I saw back in high school.  I never Googled where it came from until now.  The top search was “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock,” so I think that’s where it’s from.

Someone had used it for an art project.  They drew a picture of a person with their index finger hovering above a big red button, and they included the words “Do I dare disturb the universe?”  Those words always stuck with me.  So I did my own version.

Do I dare disturb the universe

Then I thought, “Why not take it a step further?”  So I started Googling some tribal tattoo designs for animals.  I started by making a tiger for my sister, which she put in an amazing frame:

Calligraphy Tiger

Then I made a dragon for my brother, which is also in an awesome frame right now:

Calligraphy Dragon

I did a horse for myself and an owl for my husband:

Calligraphy Horse

Calligraphy Owl

Then I decided to stop taking other people’s designs and start doing my own.  I’m really good at copying stuff, so when my sister-in-law requested a walrus, I drew one of my own.  Then I created my own tribal-inspired design for it, copied it with calligraphy markers and voila:

Calligraphy Walrus

To those artists out there who originally created the designs I used for the dragon, the horse, the owl, and the tiger:

I’m sorry I used your art without your permission and without crediting you.  I did not sell any of these drawings.  They were all gifts.  If it bothers you that you did not receive credit, please do send me an email and I will happily offer credit where credit is due.  Unfortunately it is hard to track down the original designer of a tattoo when said tattoo was found on Google Images.  I’m sure a person much smarter than I could do it, but I do not want to risk offering credit to the wrong person or website.

From now on, I will only be creating my own designs.  Now that I have the hang of it, I think I’ll be able to do a decent enough job.

Currently I’m working on a coyote, so I thought I’d show you the creative process now that I’m doing my own art.

Step 1: Sketch a coyote and his surroundings, then go over the lines with Sharpie to make them easier to trace.

Coyote 1

Step 2: Trace over the Sharpie coyote with pencil and begin developing shapes, rather than hard lines.

Coyote 2

Step 3: Go over pencil lines with Sharpie, eliminating the designs that don’t work.

Coyote 3

Step 4: Trace again, this time on parchment paper using a chisel tip calligraphy marker.  (In this case, multiple chisel tip calligraphy markers.  I find black creates the coolest effect, but sometimes a little color is nice, too).

Coyote 4

Step 5: Use paint brushes, a kitchen sponge, paper towels, and fingers to apply water.

Coyote Wet

Step 6: Wait for picture to dry.  Retouch certain lines and add last-minute details.

Coyote Dry

It’s a really fun pastime, though I must say it leaves its mark.

painted fingertips

On the sponge, too.

painted sponge

But my favorite part is looking at what happens to the paper towels I use.  This is the closest I’ve ever gotten to making art out of paper towels.

Paper Towels 1

Paper Towels 2

Paper Towels 3

So that’s what I’ve been up to!  Now you’re all caught up.

See ya next time!

P.S. I just glimpsed through my post with the flowchart from April, and at the very end I said something about wanting to talk about the “art of criticism.”  I must have had something in mind at the time, but for the life of me I can’t remember what that is.  If I figure it out, I’ll do a post on that next.

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Filed under art, books, Humor, poetry

Out of Context Part 2

For those who don’t remember, I once dissected several weeks of Facebook instant message conversations between me and my best friend, Liz, in order to make poetry.  If you’re interested in seeing how that went, click here.  I promise it’s a really quick and very funny read.

Last night I was talking to Liz again (as I sometimes do) and I thought maybe it was time for round two.  So here’s a quick refresher on how this works: Each line is either part of a single IM or an entire IM.  No out of context quote will be continued beyond one line (which is why some are way longer than others) so each new line is most likely from an entirely different conversation.  Which is what makes it so fun!

I think that’s it.  Enjoy!

#1

What’s the opposite of a miracle?

It is fairly tragic

There are always hurdles

Sometimes known as life

That is pretty much everyone else’s story isn’t it?

No I just went with mistake

#2

Have you forgotten the plan already?

It wouldn’t work anyway

#3

I drank an entire bottle of champagne last night

It fills the pit of my stomach with awful

I figured you could just ignore the words that don’t make sense

#4

His life fascinates me

He seems to have childrens

Unless he buys lots of drugs which…yeah maybe

But to go back to three seconds ago

I am too harsh perhaps

#5

I’ve just accepted that I will never take the time to develop talents because laziness is what I live for

We all feel like bitches sometimes

Which I hate

It’s just like the gypsy woman said

It’s nice when we have justification for our hate, isn’t it?

#6

It seems he’s liking your services

You can call him Leather Damnation if you want

Weirdly, he doesn’t seem interested in civil discussion

That’s what my bladdy blah insert BDSM reference here

#7

It’s just like the gypsy woman said

She was blondish and always wore inappropriate clothing?

Is that not fucking ominous?

What’s really weird is that does make sense

Oookay this isn’t real. This cannot be real.

Yep. Now it’s an omen.

#8

I could just spend hours licking your face…

That’s a good attribute in a fake employer

#9

Is that what the Thanksgiving guilt trip was about?

She was blondish and always wore inappropriate clothing? So yes?

Jesus Christ what did we do???

It’s like a freaking soap opera

She’s never had sex with you

This woman is unacceptable. Like everything about her.

She doesn’t even know words

I hate it when people are so easy to figure out

Why can’t anyone be not the worst?

Just adding on in case you thought my reaction wasn’t furious enough

#10

Also that is a fake job that fake people make up for real money

And I’m not even a literal prostitute

That’s a good attribute in a fake employer

#11

You may want to add in some subtle details about our lesbian affair

You can leave out the shelf of rainbow colored dildos

And I’m not even a literal prostitute

#12

I’ll be sure to treat everyone I meet like scum

Thanks. Now I feel….better?

Southern hospitality is for the weak

#13

I know all those feels

I have lots of sympathy for people who have to write dissertations

I would’ve stolen them otherwise, I’ll be honest

#14

I MUST ALWAYS MAKE MY POINT AS HARD AS POSSIBLE

Subtlety is my middle name! Or is it Danger? I’ve forgotten my middle name!

RIGHTS, DAMNIT. You’re no Dr. Freedom.

Maybe it really is God’s country out there

Yeah, I mean if you don’t have a good point, at least make a big one

24 is the new 67!

You’re PASSING DEATH

Maybe making ghost noises while doing it

It’s better than feeling stagnant, that’s for sure

But just because I say something doesn’t mean it’s true

#15

Aw man is that murderer back?

That’s worse than regrettable tattoos!

Mmmm internet? Blame the internet somehow.

#16

I mean like…flowers have roots. Flowers are pretty! Bam. Done.

I saw one knock a doughnut right out of a kid’s hand

No lesson was learned

#17

Dear god that sticker is so fucking appropriate it’s almost creepy

It better have smelled like Queen Elizabeth’s left nipple for that price

#18

It’s hard to find for some reason

But it feels important!

I don’t know many details

IT’S SO PRETTY

And probably not coated in barnacles!

Thickly layered paint, lots of colors and surreal elements

For some reason it seemed much more permanent

#19

I needed to escape my life so many times

Like just staring at a single picture for way too long and then not being able to focus on lunch

I guess that means something happened. I don’t know what. Something wise or whatever.

Maybe that’s good for your creative process

Pointless because all the characters are awful

Even more interesting! Or something.

#20

I do not understand taxes

Just like…”Hey world! Buy drugs! #thuglife” or whatever

#21

Now you’ve redeemed yourself. To yourself. The only person who ever cared.

For shits and giggles

So that must’ve been fun

#22

Now you’ll be able to give me grandchildren!

Are you trying to make me explode with envy?

I am so sad because I am selfish fuck you

#23

I’d like to believe the brown was chocolate. Otherwise what’s the point of brown existing?

That wasn’t the point at all but man….peanut butter is important to me

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Filed under Humor, poetry, writing