The Marriage of Romance and Horror

I just spent an inordinately long time in my bathroom yelling at an enormous spider on the floor while I hastily applied expensive cream to my cracked heels. That’s not relevant or anything, but when the spider started moving toward me, rather than away, I was incensed. I didn’t just yell at it–I lambasted and berated it. I’m seriously hoping I damaged its self-esteem a little bit.

A simplistic drawing of a sad spider with tears in its eyes. A thought bubble above the spider reads "I guess my best wasn't good enough..."

Anyway, the spider did not attack me, so that’s a win. I know I was doing a thing with epigraphs or something, but I’m so over that. I have ADHD, something I inform people about more often than I say my own name. What I’m going to talk about today is the newest project that plopped out of my brain: Gracefall [working title]

A moodboard with text in the middle that reads Gracefall in a calligraphic font. The surrounding images, on a gray, foggy background, are forests, mansions, and ominous looking creatures that fit a spooky, somewhat American gothic theme.
That’s right. I made a mood board (vision board?) for this project. The first and last I shall ever make, unless I decide to make another one sometime in the future.

Honestly, the reason I’ve been able to write books so quickly in recent years is mostly due to two things:

  1. An excess of preplanning that goes on in my head, often while I’m trying to fall asleep at night
  2. ADHD hyper-fixation/hyper-focus that aims and fires my attention at writing so much so that I often forget to eat or pee

(The reason I wrote books so quickly in the less-recent past is because they were bad books.)

With all the above being said, I have never written a book so quickly before. Two weeks ago, on Friday October 9th, I sat down to start writing. By Sunday the 11th, I had nearly 30,000 words written. Now (Friday October 23rd at time of writing), I am working on the climactic conclusion. This tells me that the book is either very good or very bad. Only time will tell! It’s a new endeavor for me, an attempt to marry horror with romance.

I have spoken before about how there is a surprisingly fine line between the two genres. Tip too much one way over the line, you lose the necessary elements from the other genre. It’s a delicate dance, like the image below which looks like an idyllic romantic romp until you study it a little further.

It’s a gif. Everybody gets that, right? I do not want to be accused of gaslighting anybody. And also I’m not clever enough to make one of those “Charlie the Choo Choo” type drawings a la Stephen King’s Dark Tower series that actually becomes more sinister the more you look at it. My point is that it’s hard to blend horror and romance, but I am trying. It has been a wonderful adventure. Even if the book ends up not so good, I definitely enjoyed the challenge. I can’t say for sure, but this feels like the first manuscript I have written where I constantly find myself writing and subsequently deleting paragraphs at a time as I feel my way through the story. My gut has been guiding me a great deal with feelings of, “No, that slows the pacing too much” or “Eh… this would happen in a contemporary romance, but…”

Even with that, I am stunned by the speed and ease with which this book has made its appearance.

So what’s the book about? It’s a gothic horror romance that is loosely based on Beauty & the Beast. For research, I read the original story, and let me just say… there are no dancing teapots in that one. Here’s a very brief teaser/synopsis:

The old gods do not waken to celebrate the death of innocence.

They waken to avenge it.

Hidden away in the cliffside forest of Rhode Island is a manor that many know about, but none can find. The locals call it Gracefall. Once belonging to the esteemed Weston family, who amassed wealth from ship building and trade, now it is nothing more than a local legend. A mythical place guarded by a fearsome beast that chases off—or kills—anyone who gets too close. No one has ever found solid proof that the estate existed.

Until an invitation to Gabriel Weston III’s engagement party lands on the desk of Brooke Kowalski, antique book expert.

With an address to go off of, Brooke sets off with her sometimes-boyfriend, Morgan, to track down the missing estate. When the beast makes its first appearance, Morgan runs scared, taking the car and leaving Brooke behind. She finds refuge in the manor, but soon learns she is not alone.

Here’s a brief excerpt/teaser*:

October 17, 1918

I am writing this here so that there might be an accounting of what happened to me, though I feel, I fear, no one’s eyes but my own will ever see these pages. My name is Gabriel Richard Weston III, and I have either taken full leave of my sanity, or I have been cursed by a god.

And here is one more (longer) excerpt*:

Using two fingers, I guided the pendulum of the metronome all the way to the left.

“Yes,” I said.

I pulled the pendulum all the way to the right.

“No.”

Hoping my message had been received, I moved the pendulum back to center position and released it. My heartbeat picked up as I stared at the device.

“Are you a ghost?” I asked.

A moment of silence followed my question, and then the pendulum slowly tipped over to the right, clicking once as it reached the base of the arc. It paused there for a beat, then resumed its center position.

“Will I be in danger if I stay here?”

The question had to be asked, but the house didn’t seem to know how to respond. The pendulum listed to one side a little, then back to the other. Maybe it needed specifics.

“Am I allowed to leave?”

More hesitation and dithering.

“Am I safe here? Inside the house,” I amended quickly.

The pendulum stayed still this time, resting in its centered position. For a moment, I wondered if the spirit of the manor had left me. Was the pendulum centered because no one was there to answer? Or because…

“What does that mean?” I demanded. “Maybe? I’m maybe safe? How can I be maybe safe? How?”

Of course the metronome couldn’t answer, and I wondered why “maybe safe” felt so much more dangerous than “definitely unsafe.”

*This disclaimer is probably not necessary, but these excerpts are from some kind of almost-first draft, a draft that is rougher than rough, so they are very much subject to change. Also I cut out a chunk from the middle of the second excerpt to keep some of the mystery alive, so don’t be surprised if/when you see the metronome conversation is much longer.

So that’s it! I’m very excited to talk more about my genre-merging journey, but (as always) this post is already quite long. Next time!

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The Unused Epigraphs (Part 2)

To read Part 1, all you have to do is click to the previous post!

The unused epigraph for this post is:

“We are never more creative than when we are at odds with the world and there is nothing so artistically destructive as comfort.” – Excerpt from Nerd Do Well, Simon Pegg’s autobiography

I wanted to find something from Simon Pegg because Hot Fuzz is one of my favorite movies of all time. More importantly, Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright’s “Cornetto Trilogy” influenced me quite a bit when it came to writing Falling for the Protagonist. They come at satire from a place of love. Hot Fuzz especially is so clearly an homage to buddy cop films, not just a satire of them. Satire can come from a place of disdain, too. It can be made for cheap laughs. The Scary Movie franchise is a good example here. Is it satire? Yes. Does it come from a place of love? Not in my opinion. These movies seem to be more intent on disparaging and poking fun at horror tropes. Same goes for Not Another Teen Movie and others of its ilk.

I love romance novels. I also find many romance cliches and tropes to be hilarious or overdone. I wanted to express my love and poke (gentle, well-meaning) fun at the same time. Just like my heroes Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright.

As for the quote above, I simply agree with it. Wholeheartedly. For many creatives, the medium (or media) we choose to work through becomes our therapy, our chance to express our strongest and deepest emotions. When I am at odds with the world, I write. Sometimes I create amateur art, too. The utter destruction of America as a country, for example, led me to write blog posts and create art based on a quote from Frankenstein.

A digital painting featuring a tattered rendition of the US flag with glowing, broken text over it stating “I had never beheld anything so utterly destroyed."

I had a teacher once who said that a book was a conversation between the author and a reader. Naturally, being all of fourteen or however old I was, I thought I knew better than this teacher. What an idiot! How can I have a conversation with the author? The book is their words. I never get to give my words back to them. Plus, Jane Austen is dead! I can’t give her my thoughts on feminism or whatever.

Anyway, cut forward a decade or so, and I finally came to understand what this teacher meant. Any time you read a work, whether it’s a memoir or a fictional story, the author is presenting their thoughts and experiences to you, and you, in turn, bring your own thoughts and experieinces back to the text. In this way, you can converse with the author. Just because they can’t hear your side of things doesn’t mean your side is nonexistent. The same is true for looking at a sculpture or painting. Watching a movie. One or more artists is presenting a piece of themselves to you, and you, in turn, offer something of yourself back. This is how artistic interpretation works in a nutshell.

Incidentally, this is why AI “art” is such a travesty; you cannot converse with someone who created art for no reason, who doesn’t know the “Why” behind their own creation. To bring it back to the Simon Pegg quote, comfort is “artistically destructive.” If we don’t feel anything, the urge to create is absent, or worse, perfunctory. Because it cannot feel, AI art is, therefore, empty and meaningless. Real art is of and for emotion, which is why it is (and must be) inherently and exclusively human-made.

What was I feeling when I sat down to write Falling for the Protagonist? Helpless, maybe. Scared. COVID-19 had changed the world forever. Politics in the U.S. were as precarious as ever. I had no idea how I was going to become financially independent. I didn’t know how to protect my sons from anti-Autism rhetoric. And I was buried in romance novels, noticing all these tropes and laughing over some of the patterns I’d noticed. I poured my discomfort and uncertainty into Falling for the Protagonist. I used that book to examine gendered dynamics and the entitlement that some people feel to other’s time and attention. As noted in the previous post, I explored reality through fiction. (For more of this, please feel free to check out a feature I wrote for Culturefly.)

Have I made a point? Who can say? There will be one more post about my “unused epigraphs” and then we will move on! If you are reading this in the UK, it is likely that Falling for the Protagonist is already available in a bookstore near you! If you’re in the US, the release date is September 22nd! Preorder now!

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The Unused Epigraphs (Part 1)

One of the things I was just asked for (at time of writing) was an epigraph for my novel, Falling for the Protagonist. I was also asked for my dedication and acknowledgments. Writing and submitting the acknowledgments was probably the closest I’ve come to being able to internalize the truth of being published. For a very long time, I held up “writing an Acknowledgments page” as some beacon of publishing, the thing that—above all else—would say to me, “Hey, Bex. You did it. You’ve made it.”

Needless to say, that was a big moment for me.

But I didn’t ever plan on putting an epigraph into my book. For those who don’t know:

Epigraph (N) – [in the context of books/literature specifically] A motto or quotation, as at the beginning of a literary composition, setting forth a theme

Still, the very mention of one sent my brain down the path of What If. As I found it fun to think about, I decided to come up with some quotes (and ask my friends as well). Since I never plan to “publish” the quotes we came up with, I decided to post them here for anyone who is interested. First, just the quotes. If you want to stop there, read the book, and decide for yourself what relevance these quotes have—cool. In fact, I’m supposed to encourage you to do that, I guess. I mean… other people buying and/or reading the book is important to me.

In fact, I think I’m going to make this a preorder hype post. Yeah, that’s what I’ve decided. So… go to my Linktree to find links to places to preorder Falling for the Protagonist or feel free to search for the book title (or Bex Goos) on your preferred bookseller’s website. Then preorder it! Support my dream!

But if you don’t care to do that, also cool. Or if you want to read the whole post, including my explanation, before reading the book, also totally cool. In short: Everything is cool. I don’t control you. I don’t even know you. Your autonomy is safe, and I shall never attempt to trample over your right to make choices for yourself!

Here are the quotes I came up with:

“Fiction is the lie that helps us understand the truth.” – Tim O’Brien, author of The Things They Carried

“We are never more creative than when we are at odds with the world and there is nothing so artistically destructive as comfort.” – Excerpt from Nerd Do Well, Simon Pegg’s autobiography

Here are the quotes my friends came up with:

“Truth is a matter of the imagination.” – Ursula K Le Guin, author of The Left Hand of Darkness

“Men are more interesting in books than they are in real life.” – Mary Ann Shaffer, author of The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society

The rest of this post will be about Quote 1 because this post is so long that I already had to scroll up and add “Part 1” to the title. Part 2 will be about the rest of the quotes. Hopefully. May have to add a Part 3.

Tim O’Brien wrote fiction about the horrors of the Vietnam War. I wrote a satirical romance novel about a woman who falls into a book and sends the main character into an existential crisis. These two things are not the same. But I will always remember my students’ shock, back when I was an (inept) English teacher, and I told them that The Things They Carried was fiction. I believe I told them before we started reading the book, but I felt a reminder was in order after they’d gotten through a chunk of it. They simply could not believe that what they had read was made up. It was so real! It felt like nonfiction! It led to some great discussions about the power that fiction has to help us hold up a mirror to real life. Fiction helps us confront and interact with truth. It’s sort of like how standup comics help people face reality by getting them to laugh at themselves. There are lenses through which we can observe ourselves and others. I wanted to use my work of fiction to do just that.

Just look at the (simplified) definition of satire I used to help my students understand it: Satire is used to highlight a flaw in order to raise awareness and/or incite change.

One of my main goals in writing FFtP was to draw attention to a glaring issue with real life: We are not treated to other people’s internal monologues, but some people still act like their motivations should be crystal clear. Some of the things that men pull off in romance novels would get men a face full of pepper spray in real life. Why? Because, in a book, the narrator is constantly letting us know, “Hey. Don’t worry. Both parties are totally on board with this.”

I am going to write out a summary of a very real novel in my own words. TRIGGER WARNING: Kidnapping, forced imprisonment, threats of sexual violence

After discovering the man she just married is a murderer with a history of criminal dealings, Holly Bardwell flees the marriage and the man in the dead of night. Her car breaks down somewhere in the Colorado Rockies, so she finds herself wandering through the mountains on foot, only to pass out in the snow outside a hunting lodge. One of the owners of the lodge, Adam Colter, discovers Holly and brings her inside. He nurses her back to health and introduces her to the co-owners of the lodge, his younger brothers, Ethan and Ryan. While Holly was unconscious, the three brothers decided that Holly was the one for them. For all of them. When Holly attempts to leave their (otherwise unoccupied) remote mountain lodge, they stop her and carry her back inside while she begs to be let go. Then they tell her the truth—that they all intend to marry the same woman, and they have agreed that she is to be that woman. She will pleasure all of them. Carry their children. Be wife to all of them. It’s okay that they just met her twelve hours ago, because they know in their guts that she is meant to belong to them. She won’t ever have to worry about a thing because they’re gonna take real good care of her. She doesn’t have to leave. They don’t want her to leave. She’s going to belong to them forever.

How’s that going for you? I want you to know that you saw a Trigger Warning at the top of the paragraph that wasn’t there before I wrote the summary. I realized on rereading it that I should go back and add the TW. Because that summary was missing one very important line at the end:

Holly listens to the brothers explain how they want her to be their wife and live with them forever, and she is totally into it.

Yeah, this is the plot of Colters’ Woman by Maya Banks. It’s an erotic romance, not a thriller. Note the apostrophe placement in the title. Their last name is Colter, not Colters. She is all of their woman. And she loves it. She can’t wait to marry these three dudes and bang it out for the rest of their lives.

Changes the cadence a bit, doesn’t it?

Romance gives readers a chance to explore scenarios that would feel unsafe in real life because the narrator is there to say, “Yep. Totally into it.”

But what happens in real life when Person A thinks they’re in a romance and Person B doesn’t? Suddenly, the story is different. Now you’re looking at a person who feels entitled to another person’s attention, maybe even their affection. How the story progresses depends entirely on how Person A takes rejection, if they take it at all. Maybe Person A refuses to believe the rejection. Maybe they believe the rejection, but respond with anger or violence.

When only one person approaches an interaction as romantic, the entire interaction is anything but.

In my book, I wanted to highlight this entitlement, the way that an interaction can take on whole new layers of meaning when there is a disparity in the way the participants are experiencing it.

Yes, I wrote a fictional novel. But I wanted to use that fiction to showcase a piece of reality, namely that women (or anybody, really) can feel unsafe in a situation without ever being overtly threatened. They can feel unsafe even if the other person has absolutely no unsavory intentions at all. Because they are not privy to the inner monologue of this other person.

There are no narrators in real life.

By the way, I’m not the only one who noticed this strangely thin line between romance and horror! Check out this ingenious trailer for Red Eye (2005). Link included because the embedded video might not work.

I never saw the movie, because I’m not into the thriller/slasher/horror genre, but the trailer stuck with me, clearly. It perfectly encapsulates the disparity delineated above.

Nick DiRamio also showcased how easily an interaction in a romantic movie could be changed from romantic to creepy/horrific. All they did was change the background music. That’s all it took. I’m going to link to the video at the timestamp where this happens, but I do highly recommend watching the whole thing. Nick is hilarious.

This all led me to Tim O’Brien. He was my first thought when the idea of epigraphs entered my mind. His quotes about fiction are all top-notch. Yes, the book is made up. But there is reality reflected in the fiction.

I’ll post about the other quotes soon!

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