Tag Archives: Books

October 7, 2012 · 3:17 PM

Phone Booths! (Telephone Boxes?)

Hello!

Did I complete my phone booths, you ask?  Oh, yes, I did, thus undoing some of the damage from that incredibly stupid thing I did.  Did I permanently damage my back hunching over my computer as I painstakingly added minute details?  Oh, yes…probably.  I’m going to give you the full series at the bottom of this post, including the ones I posted a while back, (it’ll look long, but they’re only pictures, so they go by quickly) but first, two things.

1. A quick segment on how advertisers use wording to make you think they’re offering you something special.

I’m sure you’ve all seen some cheese-based product or another that advertises:

Cheez-Its

Kraft Mac ‘n’ Cheese does it, too.  As do a number of other products.  I’m pretty sure many of you have also eaten these products, and questioned the veracity of these advertised statements.  I know I have.  But all I want to point out is that these products have “Cheese” in the name (usually).  At least in one form or another, right?  (I suppose “cheez” has been accepted into the English lexicon)  So why should they have to advertise to us that their cheese product is made with cheese?  Shouldn’t we be able to take that for granted?  It just bothers me that, not only do we not already expect cheese products to be made of cheese, but that they sell us this stuff by advertising that the products are made with “real cheese” as if this is an added bonus.  Am I making sense?  It’s like if you grabbed a loaf of bread and it advertised that it’s made with Real Flour!  Shouldn’t that be a given?  I was just about to type that this is “food for thought,” but…puns.  Um…this is just something to think about.  No metaphor there, but you get the message.  I’m only pointing it out to make you think a bit.

#2.  I’ve come across another book I couldn’t finish.

That’s not entirely true – I could finish it, but the sad truth is I really don’t want to.  It didn’t give me any reason to.  I found I honestly don’t care what happens to the characters.  The book is called Shiver, by Maggie Stiefvater.  It’s a werewolf book.  I have a thing for werewolf books.  Way back when I was listing my favorite authors and why I love them, I never got around to Patricia Briggs.  She writes my favorite werewolf series.  She’s a great author, she covers really weighty topics in her books, and her main character – Mercedes Thompson – can turn into a coyote at will.  She’s the only non-werewolf in a pack of werewolves, which helps to drive the plot.  Oo, that’s an interesting word: Plot.  You know what I found I was missing in Shiver?  Plot.  That’s not to say there isn’t one – there is.  And it’s well established.  But toward the middle of the book, I felt I only got snippets of plot that were surrounded with too much Love Story (in my opinion), and it honestly bored me.  I got that these characters were in love.  At some point it just felt like I was being beaten over the head with it.  So I decided to stop reading.  Because 208 pages into the 390 page book…well, I’m still not quite sure what’s actually going to be happening.  Not in a mysterious way.  More in a…the plot is taking a backseat to the lovers’ story kind of way.  So…I’m not interested.  There’s very little action.  I like action.  Just my preference.  I’m sure some other people are way into this series (Yes, of course it’s a series), but for me, it’s not happening.  The book is going into the donation pile.

That’s it!  I know, I didn’t do any cartoons today.  Perhaps the phone booths will make up for it.

Word of the Day: Veracity (n) – conformity to truth or fact; accuracy.

#1 – On the Street

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#2 – Night Sky

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#3 – In the Forest

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#4 – Parchment

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

# 5 – Men at Work

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#6 – Crumpled

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#7 – Long Distance Call

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#8 – Primary Colors

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#9 – Out of Outline

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#10 – Waterlogged

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#11 – Optical Illusion

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#12 – Collective

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#13 – Under the Sea

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#14 – On the Beach

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#15 – Haunted

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September 17, 2012 · 4:57 PM

Some Things to Keep in Mind BEFORE Querying an Agent (Part 3)

We’ve come to the end of a long journey, my friends.  Thank you for sticking with me this far.  I’ve got some last points to make, and then I’ll let you be on your merry way.  So let’s get to it!  The finale!

#8 – When we tell you we’re swamped – we mean it!

This is basically a reiteration of what I said in my previous post, but with more focus on the rejection letters you will inevitably receive.  Most rejection letters will include an apology that goes something like, “While your book is no doubt wonderful, we have decided to pass as this time.  Please understand that we receive a great deal of submissions each day, yadda yadda.”  Just wanted to let you know…we mean it when we say that.  When we reject you, it really doesn’t mean that your book is bad and that you should stop trying.  That being said, there are some things you should keep in mind…

#9 – Do YOU like your book?

How do I say this?  Of course you have to like your book if you believe in it enough to send it out to agents, but…have you read similar titles?  Have you compared your book to other books you like and seen if it holds up to the already published books’ high standards?  They say you are your own worst critic.  I think that’s good.  It’s when you’re your own biggest fan that you run into trouble.  If you’re unable to cast a critical eye on your own work, play devil’s advocate and anticipate the criticisms that agents are going to give, then your book probably isn’t quite ready to be unleashed on the world.

When I talked about doing your research in my last post, and having other people read your work, I really, really meant it.  Because we are busy, and we don’t want to have our time wasted by the first 100 pages of literary nonsense that fell out of your brain.  It’s harsh, but it’s true.  A lot of people think agents are there to do your critiquing and revising for you, but that’s just not right.  We can’t take on a book unless it’s as close to finished as it can possibly get without the help of a professional editor.  Our jobs are on the line if your book doesn’t sell, so we can’t take on a project that only has the potential for being good.  Because there’s no guarantee that the author will be receptive to our criticism, and, even if they are, they still might not be able to make the changes we want to see.

And finally…

#10 – How is your book different from the hundreds of thousands that are already out there?

When agents like a book, they have to go through the same process that authors do – querying.  Only agents query the publishers, and the publishers aren’t keen on taking on every project that gets sent their way.  So we have to know why this book is unique and different and guaranteed to sell a million copies.  Which means you have to know all that, and you have to tell us!  When you do your research and find other similar titles, you have to tell us that you’ve looked at them, and that yours is different because it has/does/includes____________________, which none of those other books have done.  Now, this doesn’t necessarily have to be included in the query, though it wouldn’t hurt, but you should be prepared to answer those questions in case they’re asked.  Especially if you know that your book is really, really similar to, say, the Sherlock Holmes series.  We’re going to want to know how you’re different from a Sir Arthur Conan Doyle wannabe, and you’d better be prepared with a better answer than, “My book takes place in present day.”

That’s it!  We’re done!  Hooray!  I hope I was somewhat helpful.

Word of the Day: Finale (n) – The last piece, division, or movement of a concert, opera, or composition.

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September 15, 2012 · 2:35 AM

Some Things to Keep in Mind BEFORE Querying an Agent (Part 2)

It’s time for more whirlwind advice from a lowly literary intern.  Today we’re going to look at a couple big DON’Ts, and maybe a DO if we have time.  Let’s get to it!

#4 – Don’t ramble on and on! (I know, I should take my own advice, right?)

We get lots of query letters and emails.  Hundreds a month.  And we’re one of the smaller agencies out there.  It’s our job to read and respond to all of those queries as quickly as possible.  This means that we do not have time to read your life story.  Your query should tell us exactly what we want to know – and nothing more.  This usually includes a brief synopsis of your work, a breakdown of what categories your work fits in to (Young Adult/Adult; Fiction/Nonfiction; etc.), word count and assurance that the manuscript/proposal is complete, and a little bit about yourself.  If you’ve been published before, have an MFA in Creative Writing, whatever, we do want to know that.  We may even want to know how you heard about us.  What we don’t want is:

Hi there, agents!  How are you today?  I’m doing fine, thank you.  (I just assumed you asked me how I was back)  I heard about you on Writing Website and then I read all of the novels you’ve represented and I decided we just had to work together.  Please consider my novel, Hitting on Dummies.  It’s kind of a Satire-Meets-Parody-Meets-Film Noir type deal.  Now let me provide you with a three-page synopsis, the first seven chapters, and my life history…

Did you get bored reading that?  Maybe not, since I tried to make it funny, but things like this do happen.  My coworkers and I often sigh in frustration as we mutter to the computer screen, begging the email to somehow produce the vital details that we’ve desperately been searching for through all the fluff.

I’m not saying you should be curt or rude, or risk cutting down your synopsis for the sake of brevity, but when querying an agent, believe me – less is more.

#5 – Do your research!

I’m putting this in here because it ties in to the previous point.  I know doing research is a bore, but it’s necessary.  Each agent has different specifications for queries – some aren’t accepting unsolicited queries at this time, some only want a synopsis and a brief bio, others want you to include some sample chapters with your query (usually in the body of the email, when sent electronically), and some will specifically state that they don’t represent certain genres – and that genre might be yours!  (We have received several queries for children’s picture books, which we simply do not represent.  End of story.  Aw, crap, I’ll leave that in, but no pun intended.)  Others still will tell you that they don’t accept snail mail queries, and some others even want you to spell their name right.  Yes, as I’ve said, we’ve seen some interesting variations of our boss’ name.  If nothing else, please make sure you get the name and sex/gender/pronouns of the agent you’re querying right.  And do try to make it personal.  Chances are, your query isn’t going to be read by the agent him/her/themself, but address it to them anyway.  No “To whom it may concern” or “Dear Sir/Madam.”  I’ve seen both, and it made me feel like the author couldn’t be bothered to look up who they were writing to.  This also leads me to…

#6 – Your query will most likely not be read by the agent you’re addressing.

Did you see what I said up there about the hundreds of queries a month?  Did you note that I’m an intern?  That’s because there is just no way that one person could possibly handle that influx of queries – not to mention other business information.

So don’t kid yourself.  An intern or an assistant is probably going to be reading your query first, but they are just as important as the agent, if not more.  In order to get the agent to take notice of your work, you first have to impress the intern.  So listen to the advice I’m giving, because this is the kind of stuff I pay attention to before telling my boss she should look at a book.  And don’t be offended by the idea that the agent probably isn’t going to even look at your query letter.  First try to answer 150 emails a day, 5 days a week.  Then tell me you don’t want interns reading your query.

Finally…

#7 – Don’t ask us to recommend other agents to you if we reject you.

We’ve gotten this a few times:  We send out a rejection, and the author writes back thanking us for our time, and asking us if we could maybe possibly recommend some other agents that they might maybe possibly be able to query.  Here’s why this is bad:

Remember the “Do your research” advice up there?  Remember the “We get a ton of emails every day that we have to answer”?  We’re not going to do your research for you, Lazy McGee.

And we’re certainly not going to give you other agents’ names, because it’s possible that you might then write to that agent saying, “I got a glowing recommendation from this other agent, and he/she/they said that you’d probably be really interested in my work.”  That’s not what we said, but you could certainly lie, and we wouldn’t be able to stop you.  And then our reputation would be on the line.  So don’t ask us, because we won’t tell you.

That’s all for now!  I think I’ll dedicate one more post to this subject, and then I’ll be done with it.

Word of the Day: Ignoramus (n) – an extremely ignorant person.

(Hint: Don’t be one of those)

Also, this XKCD made me think of, well…me.

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