Tag Archives: humor

Starting the Ending

My dad asked me the other day how I come up with endings for my books, and my response was, “Uhhhh…well…um…yeah…I…I don’t know.  I mean…I just do.”

So yeah, that’s not very helpful.  But it did make me realize that while I have talked extensively about how to begin a book, I haven’t really touched on the ending at all.  I think the reason for that is that it never seemed like something I’d need to talk about.  See, I hate to brag, but the endings for my books usually just come to me.  About halfway through the book, I’ll have a small revelation while I’m writing that will clearly detail how my book is going to end.  And then I go, “Ohhh, so that’s how it’ll end!” and then I keep writing.  And when I get to the end of the book, I write the ending pretty much how I imagined it, and that’s that.  I might just have assumed that it happens for everyone that way, and I might just have been wrong.

So we’re going to talk a bit about conclusions today.  But first!  There is a character in Grotesque named Dinah.  She is a six-year-old girl, and I don’t like her name.  So I’m going to change it (God I’m starting a lot of sentences with “So” today), and for the first time ever, YOU are going to get to help decide.  I figure you just got done voting for president, so you’re in the voting spirit.  I’ve created a nice little poll here for you to use.  Go ahead and vote.  Please only do it once.  I disabled the thing that uses Cookies to prevent you from voting multiple times because I don’t really like Cookies (of the computational variety).  Yes there are only two choices, but that is because the others (I use www.babynames.com to find names that have appropriate meanings) were unappealing to me.  E.g. Chipo, Donatella, Matias, etc.  The name meaning I was going for was “Gift.”  So here’s the poll:

UPDATE: The poll doesn’t appear to be showing up, so if you can’t see it, just vote using the comments.  The two names are Nita and Danya.

I’ve already talked too long, and there aren’t even pictures, so I’ll probably split this into two posts so you don’t get bored.  I’ll just do a brief introduction to Ending the Novel.

The ending for your book is largely up to you, and it is honestly very hard to pin down any universal rules for writing it.  Here’s why: If you want to make your ending vague, that’s up to you.  If you are planning on writing one or more sequels to your book, that changes how the ending is going to be.  If your favorite color is blue, then you might write an ending entirely differently from a person whose favorite color is puce.  Here’s my opinion on endings: I once wrote a Facebook status after reading the series that begins with Blue is for Nightmares, by Laurie Faria Stolarz.  I finished reading the last book in the series, and then I said, “How can you even think to contrive a happily ever after that is more like a mildly happy present with a fairly good chance of a felicitous outcome? The ending to a book shouldn’t read like a weather forecast!”

That’s my opinion.  I’ve read a lot of books for work recently that have had really inconclusive and frustrating endings.  If you’re going to write an ending for your book, then write it with conviction.  Even if it’s vague, or purposefully inconclusive, write it like you mean it.  Trust me, it shows.  Your book shouldn’t just peter out once the story’s wound down.  Okay, I’ll talk more about this with more pictures in another post.  For now, enjoy strip #2 of Writer’s Block!

(Click to enlarge)

Word of the Day: Contrive (v) – To plan with ingenuity; devise; invent.

P.S. Results for the Poll will be posted next week sometime, or whenever I get around to writing the next post.

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The Silliest Rant Ever

Oh my God I’m posting again?  What?  But you barely had time to read/think about reading but then never really get around to reading my last post!  I know.  Sorry.  Here’s why:

1. I’m going to start a rumor that my best friend, Liz, (read two posts ago) is going to do a guest post on this very blog!  HOMG you guys!

(If I seem crazy or “silly” as the title of this post suggests, it is only because I am really tired but I’m at that point in being tired where you suddenly feel really wired.  Yes that rhymed.)

2. I have a sort of rant, but it’s more like a cautionary snail

about how technology could actually be screwing us over.  But instead of ranting at you guys, which would be really boring and preachy, I decided to do it in the most ridiculous way possible.  I might actually sacrifice the ability to make sense for the sheer purpose of keeping my readers entertained.  So I’m gonna just throw words at you and then some completely random pictures to break up the blocks of text.  Like this one:

So I just got done watching this movie called The Artist.  You might have heard of it.  It won the Academy Award for best picture or some shit.  But the only reason I watched it was because there was this cute little Jack Russel Terrier in it and next to Great Danes, those little fuzzballs are my favorite breed of dog.  So I watched the movie and for those who don’t know, it’s about a silent film star who gets shunted aside for the new TALKIES that everyone is…talking about.  Yeah, I just decided to go with it.  So anyway, the movie was good and I’d recommend it because that dog (his name is Uggie and he’s got a book coming out) is so cute!  And the other stuff as well.  PICTURE TIME

So I got to thinking about newer technology and how that screwed the main character, George, over.  (I really shouldn’t have split up “screwed over” but rewriting is for people who have slept recently!)  For the record, I don’t think it was wrong that people made “talking pictures,” but if you think about it, George was punished for sticking with something “old” that was working pretty well for him.  This demonstrates how fixated our culture (even in the late 1920s and early 1930s) is on the next bigger, better thing.  New toys!  Shiny new toys!  So no one gives a thought about the book stores that are closing because their shiny new Kindle is showing them shiny new words on a screen!  Remember Borders guys?  It was a bookstore once.  It’s gone now.  Gone.

So, yes, we are losing quite a bit to technology.  And this does affect me because everyone is like “Self publishing is the way to go” and “eBooks are going to replace printed books soon,” and I’m gonna dig my heels in for as long as I can.  Why?  Because first of all, Kindles are great.  I have one.  But they aren’t books.  When I’m reading, I often flip back and forth through the book, rereading something for clarification, skipping ahead to see how many pages are left in the chapter while still holding my place with my thumb.  You can’t do that with a Kindle.  At least you can’t yet, and I’m not entirely sure people should work on fixing that.  Plus, books have this wonderful smell.  I’m not kidding.  They smell great, and the feel of that tiny breeze that wafts across your face as you flip through them…that’s an experience that a computer can’t give you.

But there’s another reason why technology isn’t always better and that’s because it does things like put entire companies out of business.  (No I’m not sure that Borders went out of business because of eBooks, but those couldn’t have helped.)  I’m not convinced that enough jobs will be created in the New Technology Industry to balance out the ones that are lost in the Old Smelly Books Industry.  Publishing companies are turning more and more to ePublishing, turning down more and more query letters from hopeful authors because the competition is fierce, and the demand for new, published, printed books is lowering.  And it shouldn’t!  I’ve actually been saying this for years, but because I’m not famous, no one has actually heard me say it outside of my immediate family: Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.  Just because you can make a bomb that wipes out entire continents doesn’t mean you should.  Just because you can replace all printed books with a tiny, glowing rectangle doesn’t mean you should.  People are so caught up in advancing technology that they don’t stop to think that maybe they’re forcing other people who work in other areas to take steps backward.  Suddenly people are running to catch up.  Meanwhile you’ve got automatic grocery store check out, ATMs, eBooks, robotic secretaries who say, “For English, please press one.”  We are long overdue for a picture.

In conclusion…I don’t know.  Think about the technology you’re using.  I’m not against it, mind.  I’ve got a smart phone just like eeeeverybody else, and I do like it, but…just…it’s not always the greatest thing.  And we’re so spoiled nowadays, people.  And we’re hypocrites, too.  Robots taking over the world.  It’s a cliche.  Yet we seem to be working as hard as we can to get there, all the while fearing the day that The Matrix or I, Robot becomes a reality.  All of this creating and no time to breathe.  Even God is said to have rested, right?

End rant.

Word of the Day: Soapbox (n) – an improvised platform, as one on a street, from which a speaker delivers an informal speech, an appeal, or political harangue.

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Writer’s Block, the Comic

A few notes.  One, another grammatical pet peeve of mine.  It’s short, so don’t worry.

It is amazing how the simple addition of an extra letter can change the meaning of a word so drastically.  I talked before about every day and everyday, and those don’t even have any difference in their lettering – only in the addition or deletion of a space.  Today, for your benefit and my sanity, I am going to quickly illuminate the difference between the words “Lightning” and “Lightening.”

LIGHTNING, no E, is the weather.  Here is Lightning illustrated:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
Recently, in I think two different sample manuscripts I was reading, the word “Lightening” was used to refer to the weather pattern illustrated above.  I haven’t illustrated “Lightening” for you, namely because the first definition that came up on Dictionary.com was this one:

Lightening (n) – the descent of the uterus into the pelvic cavity, occurring toward the end of pregnancy, changing the contour of the abdomen and facilitating breathing by lessening pressure under the diaphragm.
So you can see why I didn’t want to draw that.  The word can also describe a progression from dark to light, or from heavy to light.  In any case, it is NOT used to describe the flashy electricity that comes from the sky when the weather gods have been angered.  Please don’t throw an E in where it doesn’t belonge!
Next, a quick note.  In drawing my best friend in my previous post, I realized that I had put her in a stance that I always draw her in – arms crossed, glaring out at the world as if she’s daring someone to cross her.  In thinking about this, I had to wonder why I always give my drawings of her that particular position, when I know her to be a very kind, witty person.  I felt the need to explain myself here because I don’t want anyone to get the wrong impression.  So I’ll say this: Liz does not suffer fools gladly.  But she is still a wonderful person to get to know.  The reason I draw her that way is that, in my mind, she has always been the stalwart warrior.  Someone who does not easily bend or break.  Someone who is assured of her own convictions, but still very open to new possibilities – studies, research, discoveries, whatever you may call it.  For that reason, I draw her in a warrior’s pose.  Just thought I’d let you know.
Finally, I’ve decided to take on a more serious cartooning endeavor in the form of a semi-regular comic strip entitled Writer’s Block.  And, before you ask, no this does not mean you’ll be seeing less of Mini Bex.  The strip will be included at the bottoms of blog posts, not on a separate page or website or another blog.  It will just be for fun, something you can glance at like you would a strip in the morning paper.  I’ll include the first strip I’ve drawn here in this post (Click to enlarge).  I hope you like it.
That’s all for now!

Word of the Day: Stalwart (adj) – strong and brave; valiant.

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Filed under books, Comic, Grammar, Humor, Language, writing