Tag Archives: E L James

This Isn’t Even My Final Form

Today I thought I’d diverge from the usual patter about books, writing, tearing my own hair out, moving woes, and Taylor Swift in favor of a different sort of review.  Yahtzee Croshaw of Zero Punctuation fame would call this a “Retro Review” because I’m going to talk about something that is so old it’s not even in print anymore.

You see, moving in to my new place has given me a chance to get all my books out of storage and put them on the bookshelf I bought.  And once I filled up that shelf I had to run to Target to buy another one because honestly how did I think I was going to get away with having only one bookshelf?  Anyway, I’m going to be reviewing a Manga.  For those who don’t know, “Manga” is Japanese for “comic book.”  Also for those who don’t know, admitting to reading Manga immediately causes other people to staple a very specific label to your face.

I know it’s cliche to say this, but I’m not into labels.

Hippy-Bex-Full

I took Japanese in college because I wanted to learn a non-Romance language, and I thought attempting to learn Mandarin would lead me to insulting someone’s mother, due to the fact that Mandarin is intonational.  So I took Japanese.  Later I found out that this made me a “Weeaboo” in other people’s estimation.  A white person who desperately wants to be a character from an Anime, and who fulfills this fantasy by learning Japanese (the wrong way) by watching Anime, going to Comic Con dressed as a cat/human hybrid, buying posters of Sasuke from Naruto to murmur sweet nothings to, and writing abhorrent, self-insert Fan Fiction.

This is not me, I’m afraid.  In fact, to date I’ve only read three Manga series.  I liked two out of three, but I only love one of them enough to review it here, because the story was so engrossing.  I have, admittedly, watched an Anime or two.  When I was younger I watched Dragonball Z and Cardcaptors, and I’ll admit I’m still a fan.  But that’s about it.  Never even wrote a Fan Fic, although apparently that’s where the money is these days.  (That was a dig at E. L. James.  Yes, I am petty.)

So, the manga I like.  The only manga I own.  Fruits Basket.

Fruits Basket

Clicking the image will lead you to Amazon.com

It may be a weird title, but I will tell you that when you find out the reason for it, your heart will disintegrate.  At least mine did.  If you’re curious and don’t care about spoilers, I will write out the explanation below this post.

Fruits Basket follows Tohru Honda, a high school girl who just recently lost her mother in a freak accident and has nowhere to live.  (Her father died when she was a toddler)  Through a series of ridiculous events, which tend to typify the genre, Tohru ends up being invited to live with a schoolmate of hers who belongs to a powerful and mysterious family.  Through another series of ridiculous events, she finds out that the family is cursed by the thirteen animals of the zodiac, and when they are hugged by a member of the opposite sex, they turn into those animals.  Sounds ridiculous, right?  It’s supposed to be at first.  It’s funny and kooky and you find yourself thinking, “Ha.  I see.  This will be a funny and kooky story that will make me giggle and forget I am an adult for a while.”

Then the story sucker punches you, apologizes for that with some more fun kookiness, and then punches you again.  That’s pretty much how reading the whole series goes.  The author, Natsuki Takaya, somehow managed to seamlessly intertwine serious psychological pain, lighthearted ridiculousness, and real hard-hitting emotion.  The cast is an ensemble which grows considerably as more members of the cursed family are introduced, but not one character feels incomplete or two dimensional.  They are all completely fleshed out with their own personalities and their own demons.

For those who are aware of the zodiac, you will notice I said there were thirteen animals, not twelve.  That is because the cat is also a member of this family, though there is no cat in the zodiac.  The reason for this, the story will tell you, is due to the rat’s trickery.  But there is still a member of this family who is cursed by the cat’s spirit – Kyo – and he is shunned by all others, treated like a freak and a pariah.  Ironically, since they’d all be treated that way if other people found out about their condition.

Kyo’s personal growth is captivating, but the fact of the matter is that there are layers of pain and hurt underneath all the family members’ facades of indifference or, in the case of Momiji the rabbit, relentless perkiness.

It is hard for me to put these books down.  They really grab you, and the ending, while satisfying, still left me in tears the first time.  It is so well written, yet most people would not pick it up because of the stigma attached to reading Manga.  The fact of the matter is that American or British literature wouldn’t be able to get away with a silly story about people who turn into animals when hugged.  My argument is maybe they should give it a try.  Ridiculous as the premise is, it’s also safe to say you’ve never read anything like it before.  The market is inundated with vampire novels, romance stories that involve a plucky heroine and a mysterious hero, teenagers coming of age while surrounded by a miasma of angst and high school drama.  There is a cry for true originality, yet if it comes in the form of a Japanese comic book, people want nothing to do with it.

All I’m saying is, give something new a chance, and don’t worry about the labels, man.

That’s all.  Scroll down to see the story behind Fruits Basket.

Fruits Basket – After Tohru has been established as a character, you come to understand that she is the type of person who refuses to let life get her down.  Even in the face of tragedy, she finds a way to smile.  She has a strength of spirit to her that other people misconstrue as stupidity sometimes.

Then she tells a story of when she was in elementary school, back when her mother was still alive.  The kids would all play a game called “Fruits Basket,” which is something like tag.  Everyone sits in a circle and gets assigned a fruit – apple, banana, etc. – and when that fruit is named, they get to stand up and join the game.  When Tohru played, she was labeled an onigiri – a Japanese snack that is made with rice and seaweed.  She recounted the story of how she sat in her little chair and watched other kids join the game as apple, banana, and melon were called out.  But she was never included, because “there is no onigiri in a fruits basket.”  There is a picture of little Tohru simply sitting and waiting, watching the game unfold without ever being allowed to join in.

So yeah, Fruits Basket is a weird title, but I completely understand why it’s called that.  Even though this scene, this memory, was so incidental, it encapsulates so much of the story.

Children can be so cruel.

Okay, that’s it for real.  Thanks for reading!

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Filed under books, Humor, Manga

Short Update, Long Rant

I’ve got a good chunk of signatures going for all who are wondering.  I have not yet put them up in any type of display which is why I don’t have pictures.  But obviously this kind of thing is in the “more the merrier” type category.  Meaning write in!  Don’t know what I’m talking about?  Click here.  Do know what I’m talking about?  You can still write in to WriteRightWithBex@gmail.com.  I’m working on figuring out a way to incorporate an electronic signing system.  I think many people are wary of giving out their addresses despite my incredibly reassuring disclaimer.  Remember, I’m a twenty-something blogger who is interested only in signed business cards.  I’m not going to sell your information, and you’re not going to start getting daily newsletters in the mail from me about the newest sales at Macy’s.

Now that that’s out of the way, we are going to have a little (read: super long) post for those who have missed Ranty Bex.

So the story goes like this.  My fiance and I went to the movies to see the newest Woody Allen flick for lack of anything better to see.  It was alright…not that great.  As we walked out of the movie theater, I caught a glimpse of a poster.  I have Googled it for you (Incognito window…don’t want Google thinking I’m actually interested in this thing).  Here is a picture:

HNNGNGNG

Yup.  That’s what I saw.  And honestly it took me a second to figure out what it was, but something in my brain was desperately shying away from it even as I came to the inevitable, terrifying conclusion.

They made 50 Shades of Grey into a movie.

They actually did it.

Now…some may think they know why I have a problem with this, but I think some are only partly right.

I have written about this before, but I will reiterate: You can read and enjoy trashy novels.  I have.  I still do occasionally.  They’re fun.  This is not what bothers me.  See what bothers me is that 50 Shades was never a novel.  It. Was. A. FANFICTION!!!  For whatever reason, either because E. L. James found a spectacularly good lawyer or because Stephenie Meyer isn’t particularly litigious, a Twilight FanFiction got published and started making money.

THIS IS ILLEGAL!!

The only reason people get away with writing their own stories using other people’s characters, settings, worlds, etc. is that they do not make money from it.  Because when you do make money from it, that means you are making money from plagiarizing!  From stealing!  E. L. James is a thief and everyone is letting her get away with it.  Which brings me to point #2…

This was not a secret!!  Everybody knows this started as a Fan Fiction (No I don’t know why I’m capitalizing it.  Just looks better this way).  Even people who know nothing about this book know that it was a Fan Fic.  Seriously.  Despite E. L. James desperately sweeping the internet, trying to take it down.  Which screams guilt right there.  She or someone who works for her knows exactly what she did.  What she got away with.  With enough Googling you can still find the old story.  I’ve read some of it.  I have seen the exact same words that I first saw on the pages of 50 Shades on some website somewhere.  Only there was one difference.  The names Christian and Anastasia had mysteriously disappeared.  Now there was nothing but “Edward” and “Bella.”  Whoever they are.

Okay, so if you’ve read this far, you get my point.  But there is one more tiny thing I want to bring up.

It's-Porn

Yeah.  There’s no going around that.  This book started as a Fan Fiction written by a woman who wanted to see Edward and Bella get kinky.  And that’s exactly what happened.  Granted it’s a very poor representation of how BDSM actually works.  Can’t say that enough.  But it’s still just pages and pages of build up to, and then the enactment of, sex and kink.  It is a pornographic novel.  It was written to be pornographic.  And it should, as such, be rated NC-17 at the very least.  BUT!!

But….

IT’S COMING OUT ON VALENTINE’S DAY!!!!

They want people to take dates to see this movie!!

“Hey, honey, remember that book I couldn’t stop masturbating to?”

“Yeah…You called me Christian in bed for like a week…”

“Yeah!  They made a movie out of it!  Let’s go see it on Valentine’s Day!”

“……”

Seriously!!  Look at the poster!  This is what they want!

TL;DR:

50 Shades of Grey is a Fan Fiction that got published (illegal) and it’s now being made into a movie (even more illegal) which is (presumably) not a porno (not true to source material) and they want people to see it on Valentine’s Day!

So yeah…I’m royally pissed.  I’m trying to get my original work published, but I can’t.  Because we need to leave room on the shelf for 50 Shades of Grey.

Which leads me back to: Please join the Support Hellbound Initiative!  It is not the most original book in the world but I am 100% confident it is better than 50 Shades of Grey.

The End!

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Filed under Animation, books, Humor, Movies

Fifty Shades Worse

I couldn’t finish it.  The characters were too infuriating, the writing too poor, and the pacing too aggravatingly slow.  That said, I believe there are three issues I need to address (and if you haven’t read the post that comes before this one, I suggest you do).  Since I don’t really have any funny cartoons to throw in for these three issues, I thought I’d intersperse those phone booth pictures I talked about two posts ago, since I said I’d share them.  That way you’ll have something to look at in between blocks of text.  Here’s one to get you started:

Issue 1: Do I hate BDSM?

No.  Not at all.  I’m very aware that that community or sect or whatever you want to call it exists, and I’m fine with it.  I’d never partake myself, but I’m not morally against it or something.  I even have a friend, we’ll call her M, who delved into that world herself, and she offered me some insight.  Basically she said a lot of the things that happen in Fifty Shades are crazy, and I agree.  I don’t take issue with the BDSM, I take issue with the way Christian Grey is “Dominant.”  First of all, he tells Anastasia that she has a choice, that she can walk away from him at any time, and he offers her a contract to sign (not legally binding) if she chooses to be his Sub.  (From randomly flipping through the book, my friend, M, and I found out that about 400 pages in, she still hadn’t signed it.  Just saying.  Pacing.)  But before Anastasia signed the contract, Christian started taking control of her life.  He bought her a brand new car because he decided he didn’t like the old clunker she was driving, and he showed up at her place and started “training” her to be a Sub.  Which I just saw as manipulative and emotionally abusive.  Then M told me, from reading through a few of the BDSM scenes, that the whole relationship was just plain wrong at times, and that Christian did things that would never be involved in basic training of a Sub (like hitting her genitalia with a riding crop).  That’s as much as I’m going to say on the subject.  Sure, M isn’t a professional expert professor scientist psychologist, but she’s been there, done that, and her opinion is good enough for me.  I don’t want to risk attempting “research” because typing anything related to BDSM in Google could result in trauma, even with safe search on.

Issue 2. What’s this about the book starting out as a Twilight fan fic?

On my last post, a commenter pointed out that this book started out as Twilight fan fiction.  Later that day, while talking to my sister, she told me she’d heard the same thing.  Again, I didn’t do research.  I don’t care enough.  Hearing it from two people is good enough for me.  So let me just say, if that is the case, then I am not very happy.  Think about it.  Without knowing this book’s history, and therefore without actively looking for similarities to Twilight, I found and pointed out a plethora of likenesses.  Then, when I heard about its origins, I thought the book might get better if I tried to read it as a parody.  But that didn’t work.  The fact of the matter is that Fifty Shades is not close enough to Twilight to be a parody.  Nightlight is a parody of TwilightFifty Shades of Grey isn’t.  On the other hand, it’s not nearly far enough away from Twilight to be acceptable taken on its own.  To me, E L James has blatantly ripped off many ideas from a bestselling novel, barely masked that fact, and then sold something that only seems to be masquerading as an original work.  Want to know how I feel about that?  How would you feel if someone stole your dog, gave it a new collar, and called it their own?  And everyone just believed them?  I know Twilight isn’t my…dog.  It isn’t even a good dog.  But that still rubs me the wrong way.

Issue 3. Ok, but how’s the writing?

It’s terrible.  I already voiced a few of my grievances in my last post, and in this one, but let me just go into a little more detail.  First of all, I lost count of how many times Anastasia would bite her lip, and then Christian would tell her how much that made him want her (my terms are nicer than the ones he used) and then she would comment on how she hadn’t even realized she was doing it.  There were also the millions (exaggeration, yes, but it did feel that way) of meals they shared where Anastasia lost her appetite because she was thinking about sex, which then aggravated Christian who ordered her to eat (even though she hadn’t officially entered a Dom/Sub relationship with him) and then she grudgingly ate what she could stomach.  E L James just got these ideas in her head, and then used them and used them until I was ready to throw the book across the room.

But the worst by far were Anastasia’s inner goddess and subconscious.  Every page, something would happen and it would be, “My inner goddess stood up and roared like a lion and then did the Highland Fling.  My subconscious called me a ‘ho’ and then shot some pigeons with a semiautomatic rifle.” (Not a direct quote)  Maybe once or twice, that would have been cute, but it was on almost every page.  And I wasn’t even lying about her subconscious calling her a ho (when Christian bought her things, that’s when it called her that).

It gets better.  E L James seems to have failed to grasp the meaning of “subconscious.”  See when you’re conscious of something, it means you’re aware of it.  So if something is subconscious, it is below the consciousness or out of awareness.  Therefore, Anastasia should never once have been aware of what was going on in her subconscious.  But I think I figured it out.  She got “subconscious” and “conscience” confused, poor thing.

Lastly, Anastasia’s friend and roommate, Kate, catches her crying once and says something like, “But you never cry!”  I swear, though, that girl does nothing but cry throughout the part of the book I read.  At least four times.  She never finds a way to stop, or even mentions that she’s usually able to keep herself from crying.  Something.  Anything.  She just cries and cries…like a person who is very accustomed to crying.  That was just a laughable mistake.

Boy did that take forever.  But I’m done now, and I’m washing my hands of that book.  It gets an F- as far as I’m concerned.  If you stuck with me this far, thanks for reading all that.  I hope it was at least amusing.  Word of the Day?  Got two of ’em for ya.

Subconscious (adj) – existing or operating in the mind beneath or beyond consciousness.

Conscience (n) – the inner sense of what is right or wrong in one’s conduct or motives, impelling one toward right action.

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Filed under books, Humor, writing