Tag Archives: humor

Actually, I have a bit more to say…

So I was thinking about my last post and how I wrote about trusting your instincts and stuff, and I was thinking that I didn’t say everything I wanted to about that.  (Most awesome run-on sentence ever!)  But first, I have a special request to fulfill.  See, I have this sister.  I won’t tell you her name, but I drew you a picture of us together:

As you can see, we look nothing alike.

Now, this sister of mine asked me for the honor of living vicariously through my blog.  That is, she wanted me to post a short piece based on one of her grammatical pet peeves, since I do occasionally hint at my dislike for bad grammar.  Since she’s my sister, and I owe her for helping me that one time I knocked a guy unconscious in a Wal-Mart (Haha just kidding.  I never shop at Wal-Mart.  It was in a Target.  And I didn’t knock him unconscious.  I killed him) I’m going to help her out here.

My sister’s complaint is this: People seem to have forgotten about the word “among.”  So when they are picking from a list of things that is longer than two, they still say “between.”  Now, I know that you probably know this, but on the off chance someone else is reading this who doesn’t, I’m going to spell it out.  The word “between” involves two things.  Remember that old expression?  It goes a little something like, “Oh shit!  I am totally between a rock and a hard place.”  Note that there are simply two things there.  The rock, and the hard place.  I have also drawn a picture of this:

Now I have two choices: I can either run headfirst into the rock, or I can run headfirst into the hard place…which appears to be some rectangular, green mass.  To reword that, I can choose between running into the rock and running into the hard place.

Now let’s say that I am between a rock and a hard place, and there’s also a lion behind me.  (It’s a lion.  Just trust me on this one.)

Now I have three choices.  I can run headfirst into the rock, I can run headfirst into the hard place, or I can run headfirst into the lion.  Or, I suppose, I can break the fourth wall and run right into your lap.  So I have four choices.  Please note that four is a greater number than two.  Three is also greater than two.  Which means that I am going to have to choose among those four, aforementioned options.

In conclusion, please don’t neglect “among.”  It only ever says nice things about you.  For more hilariously illustrated grammar help, I recommend http://theoatmeal.com/.  Hope that makes you feel better, sis!

As for the title of this post, and the introduction, I do have a bit more to say.  See, my first book, The Dreamcatchers, was written when I was thirteen.  It was crap.  I believe I’ve already mentioned this, but I’m too lazy to go back and find out, so I might be repeating myself a bit.  When I was in my junior year of high school, I realized that I would have to start the book over from scratch.  This was one gut feeling that led me to making a very hard, but ultimately good, decision.  Still, after I finished the book again, I would say things about it like, “It’s my first book, so the writing is really bad,” and “Please don’t judge me!  It’s really bad writing, but the plot is good.”  And I passed this off as normal.  After all, the writing was pretty bad, and it was my first book, so it couldn’t be helped.  Right?  No.

I recently came to the conclusion that I should never feel the need to make excuses about my writing, and if I’m doing that, it means something’s wrong.  After I came to that conclusion, I died a little inside because it means I have to rewrite The Dreamcatchers again.  What I realized is this: I was thirteen or fourteen when I first wrote it, and I was fifteen or sixteen when I rewrote it.  I was only two or three years older when I wrote it again, and I’m twenty now, which means I’ve had four more years of practice since then.  When I rewrote it the first time, I thought it was amazing how much I’d grown as a writer.  And I wasn’t wrong.  It was a dramatic improvement, but I mistakenly thought that because it had been improved, it was done.

Now that I’ve realized my mistake, I’m going to bite the bullet and rewrite the book again. I’ve come to understand that there is always room for improvement.  I’ll know that the book is somewhere around the realm of truly completed when I stop making excuses for it, when my gut tells me it’s good.

So now I think I’m done with the whole “listen to your gut” subject.  And yeah, you should really go to The Oatmeal.  And Hyperbole and a Half, because if you haven’t seen this yet – http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html – then you haven’t lived.

Cheers!

Word of the Day: Fracas (n) – a noisy, disorderly disturbance or fight; riotous brawl; uproar

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NaNoWriMo

I had heard of NaNoWriMo in the past, but I never participated.  Why?  Because coming up with 50,000 words’ worth of an idea is not easy.  All of my novels had already been started, or even finished.  And I was left fresh out of ideas.  So what did I do this year?  I pulled something out of my ass!  It’s a shaky plot at best, but I’m writing this for fun, because this competition is supposed to be enjoyable.  It’s a nice way to challenge myself.  So I’m trying for 50,000 words, even though I am in the middle of a very busy part of my semester in school.  Also, when I try to write a lot, this inevitably happens:

I am pretty sure that I am not the only one who has ever had this experience.  I’m too easily distracted, it’s true.  I should probably have never gotten a Tablet, but since I did, I figured I’d put it to good use.  You’ll probably be seeing a lot more of my crappy drawings in the future.  I figured it would spice up the blog. Anyway, I’m doing my best in NaNoWriMo.  I feel like I should offer some profound and useful tips, but I don’t really have any.  I mean, anything I write will simply be a repeat of all my previous blog posts up to this one.  This is a blog for writers, right?  Okay, okay.  I’ll try.  Hmmm…

1. Throw your phone out the window. Okay, don’t do that, but try to put yourself in a position where you won’t be disturbed for a decent chunk of time.  And during that time, try not to answer your phone or check Facebook or take over the world… or whatever it is you usually do.

2. Timeline! You need to write a ton of stuff in a very short period of time, so save yourself the agonizing minutes of figuring out what’s going to happen when.  Map it out ahead of time!

3. Make mistakes.  Since there’s a time limit on this contest, you don’t really have the luxury of being anal about every little typo or wording problem.  Get the words down first.  That’s your priority.  Then you can go back and edit.

4. Don’t worry if you don’t make it!  Seriously, I can’t stress this enough.  This contest happens once a year, so it’s not like you’ll never have another chance.  And besides, like I said, it should be fun first.  If you find yourself losing sleep/skipping meals/not bathing over this, then you’re probably doing something wrong.  Just sit back, relax, and enjoy.  Oh, and write.  Can’t forget writing.

5.  Manage your time.  If you’re someone who has trouble making/remembering deadlines, then schedule out your writing time so you make sure to do a little every day.  Keep an eye on your word count, and if you miss a day, don’t sweat it.  All you have to do is tack on a few extra words for the days that follow.

Okay, that’s it!  That’s my advice.  Hope it helps!

Holy crap!  I just realized I forgot to do a Word of the Day for my last post!  Shame on me, letting my rage over bad grammar stop me from teaching you useless vocabulary words!  I’m going to go back and add one in just as soon as I’m done with this post.  So be sure to check!

Word of the Day: Kowtow (v) – to touch the forehead to the ground while kneeling, as an act of worship, reverence, apology, etc., especially in former Chinese custom.

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Between You and Me, People Need to Stop Saying “Between You and I”

Hi everybody.  I’m writing today to provide a quick, illustrated rant about proper grammar.

A pet peeve of mine is when people say “Between you and I.”  I’m pretty sure it happens so much because people have this thought process:  I always want to say things like “Sally and me went to the beach,” but I know that I’m supposed to say “Sally and I went to the beach” even though it doesn’t sound right.  But it does make me sound smarter when I remember to say “I” instead of “me,” so I’ll just keep doing that for every sentence ever!

Here’s the thing: SOMETIMES IT’S OKAY TO SAY “ME”!!!  The following is a little drawing I made of a conversation between you and I.

So, how can we tell if we are supposed to say “I” or “me”?  It’s simple. When you have a sentence with “Someone and I/me”  you just take out the “Someone and” part and see if the sentence still makes sense without it.  For example: Sally and I went to the beach = I went to the beach.  YAY!  It works!  Sally and me went to the beach = Me went to the beach.  Oh NO!  That doesn’t work.

Granted this method doesn’t work so well with “Between you and me,” because you just get “Between me.”  But “Between I” doesn’t sound much better.  And you can replace “between” with a different preposition that does work.  Like: Over you and me = Over me.  That works!  For your further education, I have illustrated a conversation between you and me as well.  For the purposes of this exercise, you are a clown.

Now, of course I know that my loyal readers (I have those, right?) would never make such a mistake.  I’m just going off on a little tangent.  I love you guys if you exist!  See you later!

Word of the Day: Effervescent (adj) – vivacious, gay, lively, sparkling

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