Tag Archives: poetry

January 15, 2015 · 11:58 AM

Out of Context Part 2

For those who don’t remember, I once dissected several weeks of Facebook instant message conversations between me and my best friend, Liz, in order to make poetry.  If you’re interested in seeing how that went, click here.  I promise it’s a really quick and very funny read.

Last night I was talking to Liz again (as I sometimes do) and I thought maybe it was time for round two.  So here’s a quick refresher on how this works: Each line is either part of a single IM or an entire IM.  No out of context quote will be continued beyond one line (which is why some are way longer than others) so each new line is most likely from an entirely different conversation.  Which is what makes it so fun!

I think that’s it.  Enjoy!

#1

What’s the opposite of a miracle?

It is fairly tragic

There are always hurdles

Sometimes known as life

That is pretty much everyone else’s story isn’t it?

No I just went with mistake

#2

Have you forgotten the plan already?

It wouldn’t work anyway

#3

I drank an entire bottle of champagne last night

It fills the pit of my stomach with awful

I figured you could just ignore the words that don’t make sense

#4

His life fascinates me

He seems to have childrens

Unless he buys lots of drugs which…yeah maybe

But to go back to three seconds ago

I am too harsh perhaps

#5

I’ve just accepted that I will never take the time to develop talents because laziness is what I live for

We all feel like bitches sometimes

Which I hate

It’s just like the gypsy woman said

It’s nice when we have justification for our hate, isn’t it?

#6

It seems he’s liking your services

You can call him Leather Damnation if you want

Weirdly, he doesn’t seem interested in civil discussion

That’s what my bladdy blah insert BDSM reference here

#7

It’s just like the gypsy woman said

She was blondish and always wore inappropriate clothing?

Is that not fucking ominous?

What’s really weird is that does make sense

Oookay this isn’t real. This cannot be real.

Yep. Now it’s an omen.

#8

I could just spend hours licking your face…

That’s a good attribute in a fake employer

#9

Is that what the Thanksgiving guilt trip was about?

She was blondish and always wore inappropriate clothing? So yes?

Jesus Christ what did we do???

It’s like a freaking soap opera

She’s never had sex with you

This woman is unacceptable. Like everything about her.

She doesn’t even know words

I hate it when people are so easy to figure out

Why can’t anyone be not the worst?

Just adding on in case you thought my reaction wasn’t furious enough

#10

Also that is a fake job that fake people make up for real money

And I’m not even a literal prostitute

That’s a good attribute in a fake employer

#11

You may want to add in some subtle details about our lesbian affair

You can leave out the shelf of rainbow colored dildos

And I’m not even a literal prostitute

#12

I’ll be sure to treat everyone I meet like scum

Thanks. Now I feel….better?

Southern hospitality is for the weak

#13

I know all those feels

I have lots of sympathy for people who have to write dissertations

I would’ve stolen them otherwise, I’ll be honest

#14

I MUST ALWAYS MAKE MY POINT AS HARD AS POSSIBLE

Subtlety is my middle name! Or is it Danger? I’ve forgotten my middle name!

RIGHTS, DAMNIT. You’re no Dr. Freedom.

Maybe it really is God’s country out there

Yeah, I mean if you don’t have a good point, at least make a big one

24 is the new 67!

You’re PASSING DEATH

Maybe making ghost noises while doing it

It’s better than feeling stagnant, that’s for sure

But just because I say something doesn’t mean it’s true

#15

Aw man is that murderer back?

That’s worse than regrettable tattoos!

Mmmm internet? Blame the internet somehow.

#16

I mean like…flowers have roots. Flowers are pretty! Bam. Done.

I saw one knock a doughnut right out of a kid’s hand

No lesson was learned

#17

Dear god that sticker is so fucking appropriate it’s almost creepy

It better have smelled like Queen Elizabeth’s left nipple for that price

#18

It’s hard to find for some reason

But it feels important!

I don’t know many details

IT’S SO PRETTY

And probably not coated in barnacles!

Thickly layered paint, lots of colors and surreal elements

For some reason it seemed much more permanent

#19

I needed to escape my life so many times

Like just staring at a single picture for way too long and then not being able to focus on lunch

I guess that means something happened. I don’t know what. Something wise or whatever.

Maybe that’s good for your creative process

Pointless because all the characters are awful

Even more interesting! Or something.

#20

I do not understand taxes

Just like…”Hey world! Buy drugs! #thuglife” or whatever

#21

Now you’ve redeemed yourself. To yourself. The only person who ever cared.

For shits and giggles

So that must’ve been fun

#22

Now you’ll be able to give me grandchildren!

Are you trying to make me explode with envy?

I am so sad because I am selfish fuck you

#23

I’d like to believe the brown was chocolate. Otherwise what’s the point of brown existing?

That wasn’t the point at all but man….peanut butter is important to me

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October 18, 2012 · 3:57 PM

Out of Context and into a New One

So I have this best friend, that I might have mentioned once or twice in the past.  The only instances I remember are from like…one of my first ever posts, which I refuse to link to because I like to pretend that part of my life never happened, and this post here.  Anyway, her name is Liz.  Here’s a picture of us together:

As she is currently residing in Scotland, where she is attending university, she requested that I put her in some form of Tartan.  I have never drawn Tartan before, so I apologize if it looks a bit sloppy.  That might be why she looks so perturbed in that picture.  Anyway, you might have noticed that we are two very different people…

But despite our differences, and my slightly longer right arm (how did that happen?), we have some hilarious conversations.  Usually on Skype or Facebook.  And I thought to myself that we could make some interesting poetry out of the things that Liz and I have said to each other over the past couple months.  You can guess what I did.  Below you will find eighteen poems composed solely of things that we have said to each other on Facebook chat.  Now I know I’ve said before that I don’t particularly like poetry.  In fact, if you clicked onto the post that I linked to above, you already know my opinion on the matter.  But I must say that this project was really fun to take on, and I thought the results were so amusing that they just had to be shared.  So here you go:

#1
Surgically removing the vocal cords it is then
It’d be amazeballs if you could do that
I am kind of a nerd, remember
 
#2
An Italian girl with the last name Ferrari. Priceless
I am kind of a nerd, remember
 
#3
I have a little bit of pride for my country right now. It’ll pass I’m sure
Anyone?  Anyone?
I’m not going to pretend I know where North Dakota is
Lots of English speakers don’t seem to know English
Whatever it was, I’m sure they deserved it
 
#4
I might have a puppy
Maybe the gophers are her true friends
I shan’t tell you
 
#5
My bladder insists I recognize its needs as valid
Are you a zombie?
No, obviously that predated being a responsible adult
 
#6
I don’t believe that this tiny Chinese girl is twenty
She just executed a perfect double shoe string flip into a backwards turkey somersault
Triple Deluxe Assassination Flips
A picture needed to happen
 
#7
So how’s you? Alive, which is good
It’s all the steroids
Amerrca has the best ‘roids
Yoga is dangerous bidniss
 
#8
How’s he feeling about being a real man?
Apparently he proposed with a ring from a toy store
Not being pregnant is pretty awesome
 
#9
Mittens Romney is running for president
I hope you ask the lunch’s permission first
After we fuck it
 
#10
Greetings from Slightly Less Pathetic-Ville
I wish an eerie fog hadn’t just descended over the city
Maybe when they give women the right to vote and foreigners the right to be treated as equals, things will change
They don’t even have pizza
 
#11
Silence? What’s that? Can I talk through it?
I thought I was all about hyperbole
Chocolate chip EVERYTHING exists
The house smelled so badly of smoke, I thought it might be on fire
 
#12
You seemed to want to talk
Just as an aside really
I was exhausted and angry
I realized I didn’t have to be that mean
Were you mean?
Don’t feel bad because it was hilarious
 
#13
We hope to satisfy you
Poor unpaid Romanian slave
I would like to return a pair of jeans I got in the mail today
Clearly our friendship is over
If they don’t understand the sarcasm then surely they’ll not understand what I’m asking for
Yet again
Clearly our friendship is over
 
#14
We’re not representing your brilliant new RomCom
I lost my virginity at Hebrew School
Either psychotically creepy or psychotically cute
The world may never know
That’d be the weirdest thing to brag about
 
#15
The time left in our lives is ticking away
Steal that idea and make it good
I wish I could
I don’t like being busy and important
I don’t think anything will come of this
I hate the word “job.” Also “money.” Also “what” and “are” and “you” and “going” and “to do” and “to make”
But I have my own ideas to make good
 
The time left in our lives is ticking away
Those people try to outrun the wind
Like a moth to skinny jeans
My brain is a toddler
I think you made a wrong turn somewhere in your life
I’m sorry mum, I’d love to visit, but I’ve been enslaved
Smiley faces are always offending you
 
The time left in our lives is ticking away
It kinda feels like you’re not allowed to be an idiot anymore
All the better for having sex with random strangers
Watching Batman cartoons indeed
I’m glad you’re finally fulfilled
Should I be flattered?
Things are looking up already
 
The time left in our lives is ticking away
Towards what or from what, I don’t know
Find a way to not be bored
Like maybe trying to be blue
If you’re ever here and not having illegal amounts of sex
Yes I am, and no I won’t
 
The time left in our lives is ticking away
Death is hilarious
Clearly the work of masters
 
#16
Oh, he is the sweetest of sweethearts
He asked what the definition of a party was, and I said it was him
He didn’t tell me what happened
He’s a stupidly fast learner
He thinks he’s funny sometimes. It’s cute
He surprised me, and I can sustain myself for weeks on the memory of seeing him there in my kitchen
He’s going to be in my future even if I have to drag him there kicking and screaming
 
#17
JUDGE NOT LEST YE BE JUDGED
I thought I was all about hyperbole
UNLESS YOU’RE ME
Oh, he is the sweetest of sweethearts
WHICH YOU’RE NOT
If you’re ever here and not having illegal amounts of sex
YOU’RE A HEATHEN
 
#18
He’s done picking out the livers and leaving them all over the floor
Some people like to believe that’s food
Hot fudge, man.  Hot fudge
Next to steak
Christmas sushi is the best
You stay at home and eat jicama
Your food is against my religion
Why don’t I eat this and nothing else forever?
Maybe I will choose you over food
I hope you’re suitably disgusted
 

Word of the Day: Tartan (n) – a woolen or worsted cloth woven with stripes of different colors and widths crossing at right angles, worn chiefly by the Scottish Highlanders, each clan having its own distinctive plaid.

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January 13, 2012 · 2:13 PM

Ode to the Unbroken

So tonight I return to Syracuse, New York for my final semester of college.  Yes, this May I will be graduating.

While I was lying in bed last night, not sleeping, I got to thinking about poetry.  I don’t remember why.  My brain is kind of unpredictable at the best of times, and it gets worse at night.  The moment I decide it’s time to drift off into a peaceful sleep, this happens:

Which is how I came up with the idea.  Then I wrote the whole blog post in my head, planned what I’m going to buy when I get back to school, thought about a million other things, and two hours later I finally fell asleep.

So poetry.  I don’t write poetry, and I don’t really read a lot of poetry.  It’s not that I don’t like it.  There are plenty of good poets out there – Shel Silverstein, Billy Collins, Emily Dickinson.  My favorite poem is “The Raven” by Poe.  I know I’m not the only one, but it can’t be helped.  I really do love that piece.  It flows.  It’s beautiful.  It’s eerie.  It’s just right for me.

In general, though, I tend to stay away from poetry.  For the most part, I think there’s something inherently wrong with being a Poet, because that implies that your job is to sit down and write poetry.  That means you’re making a conscious effort to make poetry happen.  You’re trying to create poetry.  And hey, maybe you’re really good at it.  But the problem is that when I read most poetry, it has that bitter aftertaste of Trying.  Even if that poem came from someone’s heart and soul, and they weren’t trying at all, and it just came to them one day while they were brushing their cat.  And then they titled their poem “The Cat’s Claw” and wrote about true pain that truly came from their cat’s claws as they tried to brush it.  I’ll still (probably) have trouble enjoying it.  And that’s all me, for the most part.  The only time it isn’t is if that person really was trying too hard, and sometimes that comes across to everybody.  Things like, “My heart fluttered like a butterfly caught in a storm,” might just have that forced effect no matter what you do.  But, as I said, I am the reason that I can’t typically enjoy poetry.  Doesn’t mean I hate poetry or poets or puppies or p…metaphors.  Just means that it’s not for me (usually).  I guess I just think that poetry should be spontaneous and…poetic, not commercial.  Not a career.  Natural, not forced.  And frankly I don’t think it’s for everyone.

That said, I did write one poem in my life.  I approve of it because it came spontaneously and naturally.  Out of nowhere.  I just sat down at a computer, started typing, and a few minutes later, I had a poem.  It is the only good poem I’ve ever written, and it is probably the only good poem I will ever write.  I can’t say for sure.  I can’t predict the future.

So I decided to post my only good poem in this blog, so maybe I can actually share it with some other people.  It’s called “Ode to the Unbroken,” and I wrote it for my best friend in our junior year of high school.  She was going through some tough times, and I wanted to write something that would encourage her and also reflect her strength and perseverance, because she really is one of the most steadfast and self-sufficient people I know.  This is what I came up with:

Do not turn away

You say

And turn to face the day

C’est la vie and

Come what may

Just words

No meaning

Somewhere someone is screaming

For help, for answers, for a God

In the endless sky

And you refuse to cry

And that is why

The Earth

Turns its shadowy side

To you

The view

Is much better

From where I stand

He says

See a girl

Unbreakable

Undefeated

Stand up

Step Down

No

You scream

And when the world

Turns back

You open your arms

And embrace

A tear down your face

He is your friend

No moment apart can rend

The bond that you share

Somewhere someone is looking

Over a girl

Enduring

Achieving

Supporting

Receiving

Help only when needed

She has succeeded

– Rebecca Leviton 2/15/07

And that’s it!  Hope you liked it.  I certainly do.  Obviously.  But don’t expect to see any more!

Word of the Day: Ode (n) – a lyric poem typically of elaborate or irregular metrical form and expressive of exalted or enthusiastic emotion.

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