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April 25, 2024 · 1:07 PM

My Twenty-Year Journey

Almost exactly twenty years ago, when I was thirteen years old and finishing up middle school, I wrote my first “book.” I put it in scare quotes because I’m sure the word count didn’t even approach 50,000, and also it was a book written by a sheltered thirteen-year-old horse girl with self-esteem issues. So it was by no means a good book. BUT it was the start of me wanting to write. I caught the bug, so to speak.

Incidentally, when I was teaching, I let my creative writing students read the first page of my thirteen-year-old self’s book and then roast me. You know, as a team-building exercise.

I don’t believe in fate or any kind of higher power. Or… I tell myself I don’t. But the fact that it’s been almost exactly twenty years… and I got this fortune out of a fortune cookie right after I started querying Falling for the Protagonist that said “Quiet faith will bring you boundless rewards soon”… Folks, I think my brain really wants to believe in fate.

Anyway, I have a literary agent now. And, folks (again), the impostor syndrome hit immediately. I didn’t even have a chance to let a single happy tear flow gently and poignantly down my cheek before my brain went numb with fear. It was a mental paralysis unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. What if I never wrote another book? What if I wasn’t as good at this as I thought? After all, I’d written many books in the past, and only two of them have been good so far. That’s not exactly a confidence-bolstering number.

A very frazzled mini Bex yelling "I forgot the alphabet! How many R's in hurricane? What even IS a book??"

I’m not saying this to earn what I can only call congratulatory pity, where you’re both patting my back and also going, “You poor dear,” at the same time. I just want to be as honest as possible about my experience. I also caught the teaching bug a long time ago, so I’ve always wanted this blog to be at least somewhat instructive and informative in nature.

Two bugs introducing themselves to each other as the writing bug and teaching bug respectively.
(yes I know “bug” in this idiom refers to a germ or sickness, but that’s not fun to draw)

Fortunately, the happy did eventually make an appearance. And boy is it cool. This is just so cool, guys. I started this blog when I was nineteen years old (still somewhat sheltered and at least partially a horse girl), and my writing journey has been fraught with twists and turns. Though I started writing twenty years ago, I didn’t start thinking seriously about getting published until I was around sixteen. Still, that’s a long time to be trying without success. So in that other post when I said, “Hang therein“, I meant it! This industry is fickle and stressful, but there is no time limit on success.

So how did this happen? I queried over 40 agents, and as I said in the above linked Hang Therein post, the rejections started coming in. This is Normal and Expected, but of course it hurts! Especially since I believed in the idea with all of my Disney-Loving, Happily-Ever-After-Craving heart! But THEN one day in February, my younger son woke me up at like 5:30AM, and as I was doing the sleepy zombie shuffle downstairs to make him a snack, I checked my phone.

Kate Rizzo of the Greene & Heaton agency in London had requested the full manuscript. I was so sleepy that I genuinely had an experience that I’d previously thought only existed in fiction: I questioned if I was dreaming. To be fair, I had had dreams in the past where I’d gotten good news from an agent. (Waking up from those dreams sucks by the way.)

The last time I had an agent, it was because I had interned for her, and I hadn’t yet been diagnosed with ADHD. So when she offered me representation, I said yes immediately (Thanks, impulsivity) even though I didn’t think we’d be a good fit. I had no idea that I could tell her I’d think about it, query other agencies, etc. I do not mean to badmouth my previous agent! I am so grateful to her for giving me and Hellbound a chance, for believing in what we could do, and for doing the best job she could for the book. But we weren’t a good fit. It’s okay to admit to yourself that an agent doesn’t feel like a good fit to you.

Anyway! Kate had requested the full manuscript. This is something not every writer knows, so I will say it plainly: A full request is good news because you are potentially one step closer to the goal, but it is not a guarantee of representation. An agent can and will reject a full MS if they read through it and decide the book isn’t for them after all. Typically, if this rejection happens, you will get more than the boilerplate email template rejection. The agent will give you a critique or summary of their reasoning for rejection.

Anyway, it is very hard to be extremely happy while simultaneously preparing yourself for rejection. Especially when rejections from other agents are still rolling in. I started to ask myself, “What are the chances that all these other people are saying no, but this one person is going to say yes?” (Spoiler Alert: The chances are pretty good. Because, as far as I can tell, that’s often how finding representation works; in a sea of disinterested fish, you find that one fish who is interested.)

I managed to handle the wait, but I don’t think it was easy to live with me at the time.

You already know how this story ends, so I won’t drag it out. Kate read the book, we chatted, she offered me representation, I took some time to think about it (Take that, ADHD!), and then we chatted again. It was during chat number 2 when I accepted representation.

And now I have a literary agent 20 years after I wrote The Dreamcatchers Dream Walkers.

I swear I don’t mean to be a Debbie Downer, but I also have to point out that having representation is not a guarantee of publication. The entire publishing process is a rejection factory.

A factory pumping out the word "NO" over and over again on a conveyor belt.

I understand this well, especially after my journey with Hellbound, and I’m only pointing this out because I don’t want anyone out there to be like, “Congrats on getting published!” I’m not published yet, but I’m certainly not trying to bring the mood down by pointing that out. The mood is great. The mood is moodtastic. Because, regardless of eventual publication (or lack thereof), it is so exciting and wonderful to have someone believe in you and your work. And, hey, if not this book, Kate and I can try another one! I’m looking forward to documenting my progress through this blog. I’m glad I impulsively decided (Hm… okay, you win this one, ADHD) to start it back up even though no one blogs anymore. I like having a record of where I’ve been and what I’m doing writing-wise.

If you’ve read this far, thanks! Wish me luck!

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March 13, 2021 · 1:03 PM

Oops! Not Feminist

Hey. I’m back. Let’s pretend I’ve been blogging for the last three years, okay? But if you’re curious: In my farewell post on November 8th, 2018, I said I would go back to blogging if my YA novel, Hellbound, ever got published. Don’t get your hopes up. It’s not being published… by a publisher. But it is being published by me. So I figured I’d share a little bit of the process.

A couple things have happened in my life. My second child, Ari, was born last August.

He’s doing well. Warren is now four years old, but is also somehow ten feet tall. I’m teaching virtual English and reviewing podcasts on Twitter (@BexGoos). And I also have my own podcast that I do with my husband (called Not Again!). Yeah… a lot going on.

So Hellbound. I decided to self-publish after I realized that going the traditional publishing route with this book was probably never going to happen. Even though I wrote it before Lucifer, and The Good Place, and the Hellboy remake… well, that’s all people will see now. Plus, people will probably lump this in with all those fallen angel novels that were popular for a while. For this and many other reasons, I decided to self-publish. With that in mind, I set out to reread Hellbound for the first time in years. And… yikes.

This is not me being self-deprecating, okay? I am genuinely surprised that an editor wanted to get this published at one point. The story is okay, but the writing… you can tell I wrote it when I was nineteen (twenty?). It’s quite juvenile. On top of that, I realized that I unconsciously wrote the novel as a brainwashed drone of the patriarchy. There were so many problematic aspects, and I actually had the gall to consider myself a feminist at the time.

I considered the book itself to be a feminist work! So I updated it as best as I could. The first thing I had to do was pull back on the patriarchal nonsense. Then I had to modernize it because a lot has changed in ten years. I find this stuff fascinating. Maybe I’m the only one? I’m just gonna list the things that had to change to address both of the aforementioned issues. The book will be on sale later this month!

To make it more feminist…

  • Original: The two godlike deities that were echoes of humanity were both men. (I was like “Oo one of them is gay! Edgy!” God, twenty-year-old, me. Shut up.) Now: Tor remains male (as far as all-powerful godlike entities can have sex or gender). His sister Lux is a gay woman (Though, again, she is an all-powerful godlike being; she’s probably pretty open-minded when it comes to relationships).
  • Original: Almost every woman who gave birth to a Re-du-Tor died in childbirth. Tor would literally just kill women with his penis. And I never once thought, “Should women be considered disposable?” Now: It’s a fluke that Aiden’s mother died in childbirth. All the other women who gave birth to Res-du-Tor “prayed” for such an encounter, seeing it as kind of an honor. Like being visited by a deity. It’s not a perfect fix, but I had to work with what my idiot younger self gave me.
  • Original: I specifically noted that Aiden’s sister in her hellhound form looked “sleek and female.” Please be careful about rolling your eyes too hard. They might get stuck that way. Now: I took that piece of description out. Good Lord. I just deleted it. After I unstuck my eyes from being rolled back in my head.
  • Original: Tor (Aiden’s father) had created some kind of replica or clone of Aiden’s mother? It was because he loved her and couldn’t stand the idea of letting her go, but the question of her free will was one that I did not give more than a second’s thought to. Now: I made her more of a shade than a clone, and I implied she existed because of her own will mixed with Tor’s love and loneliness. I also made it clear that Tor couldn’t actually touch her or be physically intimate with her. Again, not perfect, but… I worked with what I had.
  • This doesn’t quite fall under the umbrella of feminism, but it still is important to admit how many subconscious biases were ingrained in me. I used to have a line that Nicolette looked like an “angel” with her “blonde hair and blue eyes.” I thought nothing of it for so long. And then one day, I reread it (this was actually years ago), and I was like… wait… Am I saying that I am pro-Aryan race? My grandfather was a Holocaust survivor for Pete’s sake! So I took that part out.

To modernize it…

  • I removed all mention of Facebook, though I had to keep in some form of social media site. So I just made one up called ConnectMe. ConnectMe will never become obsolete because it doesn’t exist. Fun Fact: I reused it for a different book that will likely never see the light of day.
  • I removed all mention of asking for directions and replaced it with using an app.
  • I had to change Elysia’s alarm clock (yes, a physical alarm clock) to her phone.
  • No one looks for the time anywhere other than their phone now, although I think they might still look at a clock if they are in a classroom.
  • I removed some mention of listening to the radio since a lot of cars have Bluetooth or USB hookups for phones now. I know some people still listen to the radio, but it’s rare to see that exclusively.
  • I had to take out a conversation about Trogdor, which broke my heart. I love Trogdor. But he is a reference the youths of today simply will not recognize.
  • I changed the high school students’ physical paper notebooks to electronic tablets. Most schools have gone 1-to-1 on electronic devices by now. Pens and pencils are the way of the past.
  • One of the main characters, Nicolette, got a part on a TV show. But streaming wasn’t a big thing at the time. Yes, Netflix and Hulu existed, but it would still be several years before people started “cutting the cord” entirely. So I updated it to her getting a part on a streaming show.

So that’s that…

Now I have to begin the arduous and cringey process of combing through the archives of this blog and unpublishing the posts that are not fit for human consumption.

Indie podcasts I’m listening to right now (the non-indie ones don’t need my help):
1. 10ish Podcast (To Ten Lists, Comedy, Fun Facts, Explicit)
2. The Green Horizon (Audio Drama, Sci-Fi, Comedy, Explicit)
3. Doomsday: History’s Most Dangerous Podcast (History’s Greatest Disasters, Graphic Content)

The Socials/Support Sites:

Find me on Twitter and Instagram @BexGoos
Buy Me a Potato
My Website: www.potatoladypodcastreviews.com
Everything else: https://linktr.ee/PotatoLady

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May 19, 2016 · 5:19 PM

A Better Introduction

So I had the first character bible post all written up and ready to go when I realized it was going to be absolutely pointless without some sort of foundation for the story.  What’s the point of knowing about all these characters if you don’t even know where they are or why?  With that in mind, here is a better introduction to the story.

Once upon a time there was a barely habitable planet that the space government decided to use as a prison.  This planet was so cold, it was basically only possible to support life near the equator.  The space government called this prison planet Burg.

Burg

This wouldn’t be just any prison though.  It would be a rehabilitation center for citizens who had turned to committing some “lesser” crimes, such as theft or tax evasion.  Instead of cells, the prisoners were placed in houses.   Every day, they were allowed to go outside for supervised outdoors time. They were allowed to interact with their fellow prisoners, so long as said interactions were friendly and peaceful.

Housing 1

Instead of cell blocks, they had sectors.  The sectors were divided up based on species, so that record keeping for each planet that made use of the prison would be neat and easy.  There were nine planets in total that used this particular prison system.  They were spread out over four solar systems.  The nine alien species found on Burg were (and still are):

Goliaths – Giant, heavy people with stone skin.

Samaki – Amphibious race from a mostly water-covered planet.  Can survive on land for short periods of time.  Have gills.  (Their sector has specially designed houses that are like sad Sea World aquariums.

Creech – Humanoid race with feathers for hair and giant bird wings that they can use to fly.

Bortol – Vaguely canine species with animal snouts that make speech impossible.  Fortunately this species has the ability to communicate telepathically.  Highly developed sense of smell and hearing.

Rizzarian – Lizard-like species with tough scales that coat the body, and hair-like tentacles that grow from the top of their heads.

Delliakite – Somewhat feline species with pure black skin, spindly legs, and knees that bend backwards.  Giant, lidless eyes and small noses and mouths.  Large, semi-feline ears.  Can teleport short distances.

Lepthian – Shape-shifting, amorphous, see-through species.  Can heal minor wounds almost instantly due to fluid bodies.

Human – They look and act like humans from Earth, so they’re called human.  But honestly I’m not trying to imply that Earth exists in this universe.  It’s just there’s already a word for human, so why muddle the issue?

Aodik – Compact, humanoid species with dark hair and purplish skin.  Because they are shorter and not very strong, they often develop technology to do their work for them.

Sectors

Instead of prison guards, the prisoners answered to Enforcers, who kept the peace by patrolling the streets and keeping an eye on things from their encampments between sectors.

Enforcer

Instead of a warden, Burg had an Overseer.  It was this person’s job to keep the Enforcers in line, give out orders, head up certain committees and hearings, and interact with the government outside Burg.  The Overseer’s word was always final in any matter.  But don’t worry, the power definitely didn’t go to any of the Overseers heads.

Overseer

Note: I haven’t decided what species I want to make the Overseer yet, so for now he’s just Evil Space Elvis.

Mandatory re-education programs were conducted on a daily basis in each sector, to help show the prisoners the error of their ways.  Once prisoners had served out their sentence, they were evaluated by a committee and (usually) sent back to their home world to rejoin society.

A second infraction got them sent back to Burg for a slightly more permanent stay.  Unless they moved up from minor to major crime, in which case they went through the more traditional prison systems on their own planets.

Burg’s system worked out well.  Until one day, a war started.  Like they do.  Men and women from the military came to Burg and offered prisoners a chance to wipe the slate clean if they simply fought for their government.

Space Army.jpg

Many prisoners chose to fight.  Others chose to stay.

Years passed, and the war was lost, giving way to a new regime.  Shortly after that, all communications and travel to and from Burg were cut off.

More time passed.  Burg ceased to be a prison or a rehabilitation center or whatever you want to call it.  The new government had no idea it existed, and had no use for an old rehabilitation planet anyway.  Enforcers and prisoners alike were suddenly stuck on this world, with no way of escaping or communicating with their loved ones at home.  Yet, rather than band together, the old dynamic was ruthlessly, well… enforced.

Hundreds of years went by, and Burg became something new.  The prisoners started families.  The Overseer and Enforcers created a government of their own.  Soon only the ancestors of the prisoners, the original Overseer, and the Enforcers remained on the planet.  Yet the descendants of the prisoners were still treated like criminals, despite having committed no crimes.

Resistance groups cropped up within the sectors, attempting to take back their liberty from the unnecessarily cruel Enforcers and Overseer.

None have yet succeeded…

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