Tag Archives: cartoons

It’s a Bit Cold

Everyone is so up in arms about winter happening.  Yes, it’s colder than it usually is, but let’s focus on the real problem here, shall we?  How it affected ME.

I went home for my birthday, which is late in December.  I flew United, which turns out to have been a mistake.  Here is a brief overview of my recent air travel experience:

1. Flight from NY to CA – I arrived at the airport at 4 AM, having not slept the night before, to find out that my flight was delayed by about two hours.  Since this meant missing my connecting flight, I had to call the convenient customer service number.  The robotic voice told me I’d be on hold for about three minutes.  I was on hold for over an hour.  Flight got rebooked, everything was fine I guess.

2. Making my way back to NY – So apparently the midwest was royally screwed by the weather, but my flight was not to the midwest.  My connection was in DC.  But as I was sitting in the airport waiting for my first flight, an announcement was made that there was a “mechanical” issue with our plane and go rebook all your flights now.  Long story short: Two hours waiting in the line for customer service, rebooked on a flight that was leaving a full twelve hours after I got to the airport, got to Washington DC only to find that my connecting flight to NY had been cancelled, more customer service, crying at the customer service desk, finally get flown in to a city that is over an hour’s drive from where I live, stop at the airport I was supposed to be at to pick up luggage, get told luggage never left CA.

My anti-anxiety/depression medication was in my checked bag.  A bag I paid to have checked, mind you.  Now, I know what you’re thinking: You idiot, Bex.  Who packs their medication in their checked luggage?

I know, I know.  But I did.  It happened.  And nearly a week later, I still haven’t heard about my luggage.

Let me just tell you a little bit about anxiety.  This is me/my brain without anti-anxiety medication:

Anxiety

It’s especially bad when you stop taking those meds very suddenly.  Fortunately, I finally got over my own stubbornness and called my doctor for an emergency refill.  But as long as we’re on the subject, let’s go ahead and talk a little more about my mental problems.  Especially since some people seem to believe they’re made up.  Not you, of course, but some people.

This is my anxiety:

Anxiety

It’s a little beast that spills milk and makes me cry over it.  Worse, it makes me cry over all the milk that has yet to spill.  Hell, it might not ever spill but I’ll be damned if I’m not going to worry about it anyway.  Because the anxiety beast tells me to.

This is my depression:

Depression

It’s a shadowy creature that whispers to me that I’m worthless.  It tells me not to care.  To stay in bed all day and watch YouTube videos and not eat because nothing matters.

My family and friends are very supportive, don’t get me wrong.  I’d be nowhere near this sane if it weren’t for them (and a little therapy).  But the medication also helps.  It gives me the push I need to be Okay.  With a capital O.  It is a sword I use to fight the monsters.  And it works quite well.  So when United airlines took that away from me, I got pretty mad.

I hope I see my luggage again one day.

That is all.

Word of the Day: Overwrought (adj) – extremely or excessively excited or agitated

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Out of Context and into a New One

So I have this best friend, that I might have mentioned once or twice in the past.  The only instances I remember are from like…one of my first ever posts, which I refuse to link to because I like to pretend that part of my life never happened, and this post here.  Anyway, her name is Liz.  Here’s a picture of us together:

As she is currently residing in Scotland, where she is attending university, she requested that I put her in some form of Tartan.  I have never drawn Tartan before, so I apologize if it looks a bit sloppy.  That might be why she looks so perturbed in that picture.  Anyway, you might have noticed that we are two very different people…

But despite our differences, and my slightly longer right arm (how did that happen?), we have some hilarious conversations.  Usually on Skype or Facebook.  And I thought to myself that we could make some interesting poetry out of the things that Liz and I have said to each other over the past couple months.  You can guess what I did.  Below you will find eighteen poems composed solely of things that we have said to each other on Facebook chat.  Now I know I’ve said before that I don’t particularly like poetry.  In fact, if you clicked onto the post that I linked to above, you already know my opinion on the matter.  But I must say that this project was really fun to take on, and I thought the results were so amusing that they just had to be shared.  So here you go:

#1
Surgically removing the vocal cords it is then
It’d be amazeballs if you could do that
I am kind of a nerd, remember
 
#2
An Italian girl with the last name Ferrari. Priceless
I am kind of a nerd, remember
 
#3
I have a little bit of pride for my country right now. It’ll pass I’m sure
Anyone?  Anyone?
I’m not going to pretend I know where North Dakota is
Lots of English speakers don’t seem to know English
Whatever it was, I’m sure they deserved it
 
#4
I might have a puppy
Maybe the gophers are her true friends
I shan’t tell you
 
#5
My bladder insists I recognize its needs as valid
Are you a zombie?
No, obviously that predated being a responsible adult
 
#6
I don’t believe that this tiny Chinese girl is twenty
She just executed a perfect double shoe string flip into a backwards turkey somersault
Triple Deluxe Assassination Flips
A picture needed to happen
 
#7
So how’s you? Alive, which is good
It’s all the steroids
Amerrca has the best ‘roids
Yoga is dangerous bidniss
 
#8
How’s he feeling about being a real man?
Apparently he proposed with a ring from a toy store
Not being pregnant is pretty awesome
 
#9
Mittens Romney is running for president
I hope you ask the lunch’s permission first
After we fuck it
 
#10
Greetings from Slightly Less Pathetic-Ville
I wish an eerie fog hadn’t just descended over the city
Maybe when they give women the right to vote and foreigners the right to be treated as equals, things will change
They don’t even have pizza
 
#11
Silence? What’s that? Can I talk through it?
I thought I was all about hyperbole
Chocolate chip EVERYTHING exists
The house smelled so badly of smoke, I thought it might be on fire
 
#12
You seemed to want to talk
Just as an aside really
I was exhausted and angry
I realized I didn’t have to be that mean
Were you mean?
Don’t feel bad because it was hilarious
 
#13
We hope to satisfy you
Poor unpaid Romanian slave
I would like to return a pair of jeans I got in the mail today
Clearly our friendship is over
If they don’t understand the sarcasm then surely they’ll not understand what I’m asking for
Yet again
Clearly our friendship is over
 
#14
We’re not representing your brilliant new RomCom
I lost my virginity at Hebrew School
Either psychotically creepy or psychotically cute
The world may never know
That’d be the weirdest thing to brag about
 
#15
The time left in our lives is ticking away
Steal that idea and make it good
I wish I could
I don’t like being busy and important
I don’t think anything will come of this
I hate the word “job.” Also “money.” Also “what” and “are” and “you” and “going” and “to do” and “to make”
But I have my own ideas to make good
 
The time left in our lives is ticking away
Those people try to outrun the wind
Like a moth to skinny jeans
My brain is a toddler
I think you made a wrong turn somewhere in your life
I’m sorry mum, I’d love to visit, but I’ve been enslaved
Smiley faces are always offending you
 
The time left in our lives is ticking away
It kinda feels like you’re not allowed to be an idiot anymore
All the better for having sex with random strangers
Watching Batman cartoons indeed
I’m glad you’re finally fulfilled
Should I be flattered?
Things are looking up already
 
The time left in our lives is ticking away
Towards what or from what, I don’t know
Find a way to not be bored
Like maybe trying to be blue
If you’re ever here and not having illegal amounts of sex
Yes I am, and no I won’t
 
The time left in our lives is ticking away
Death is hilarious
Clearly the work of masters
 
#16
Oh, he is the sweetest of sweethearts
He asked what the definition of a party was, and I said it was him
He didn’t tell me what happened
He’s a stupidly fast learner
He thinks he’s funny sometimes. It’s cute
He surprised me, and I can sustain myself for weeks on the memory of seeing him there in my kitchen
He’s going to be in my future even if I have to drag him there kicking and screaming
 
#17
JUDGE NOT LEST YE BE JUDGED
I thought I was all about hyperbole
UNLESS YOU’RE ME
Oh, he is the sweetest of sweethearts
WHICH YOU’RE NOT
If you’re ever here and not having illegal amounts of sex
YOU’RE A HEATHEN
 
#18
He’s done picking out the livers and leaving them all over the floor
Some people like to believe that’s food
Hot fudge, man.  Hot fudge
Next to steak
Christmas sushi is the best
You stay at home and eat jicama
Your food is against my religion
Why don’t I eat this and nothing else forever?
Maybe I will choose you over food
I hope you’re suitably disgusted
 

Word of the Day: Tartan (n) – a woolen or worsted cloth woven with stripes of different colors and widths crossing at right angles, worn chiefly by the Scottish Highlanders, each clan having its own distinctive plaid.

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The Leaning Tower of Creativity

Got a few things to share with you.  The first two are videos.

This is courtesy of my best friend, who shared this with me after reading my posts on Fifty Shades of Grey.  It made me laugh, and I think you’ll like it, but I still feel the need to warn you that it will contain sexual content.  It is definitely NSFW.  Ladies and Gentlemen, Gilbert Gottfried reads Fifty Shades of Grey (I’m sorry, but the video won’t embed properly, so you’re going to have to click a link.  I promise it’s safe):

http://www.jest.com/video/174214/gilbert-gottfried-reads-fifty-shades-of-grey

The second video is the trailer for The Perks of Being a Wallflower, which is on my list of books that I recommend, and I hope that the movie will present an accurate portrayal.  It looks like it’s going to be good.

And finally, I want to share some brief news about my writing.  It’s not really news so much as an update.  That is…I’ve started working on Heavenbound, the sequel to Hellbound, again.  For me it’s always difficult to concentrate on just one book, or even to feel that accomplished when I’ve finished one, and I thought I’d give you a short explanation for why that is.

This is a list of all the books I’m either working on or have worked on or want to work on in the future:

The titles that are in green are the ones that I have finished, as far as I can call a book “finished.”  I will still need to go back and rework them and edit them, and they’re not all ready to be sent to a publisher, but I’m satisfied with their current state.  (I don’t have a title for “Steampunk Book” as of yet.  It’s just kept eluding me.  The file on my computer is “Steampunk Dreambook” since it was inspired by a dream I had.)

The titles in red are ones that need to be completely rewritten.  Think about that for a second.  The “re” in “rewritten” means I already wrote them once.  That’s right, all the books in red have been completed in some capacity, and they all need to be started from scratch.  Oy.

Finally, the titles in blue are books that are in progress in some way, shape, or form.  That might mean that I have a page or two written, or a chapter or two, or none of it written at all (the sequel to Grotesque being one of them).

As you can see…that’s a lot of books.  And I really want to write all of them one day.  So you might be able to understand why this is a bit of a daunting task, and why working on one book doesn’t seem like all that much of an accomplishment.

I don’t know how I manage to keep going, knowing that this list is looming over me, and that I’ve only got one lifetime to finish it.  Not to mention my brain will probably start adding to it long before I’m even close to finishing this first batch.

But I’ll keep chugging along, because this is what I do.  And maybe I’ll be more motivated to do it once someone actually starts paying me to make books happen.  Who knows?

That’s all I wanted to say.

Oh, no Mini Bexes were harmed in the making of this blog post.

Word of the Day: Daunt (v) – To overcome with fear; intimidate.

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