Tag Archives: drawing

Lyrics Part 2

I honestly did not think I was going to grade any more lyrics, but then I remembered the song “Story of My Life,” by One Direction.  So yeah, I had to do it.  This time I did it in image format so it’ll be easier to see.  But my handwriting is just as awful as ever.  Enjoy!

OneDirection1

OneDirection2

OneDirection3

OneDirection4

So that’s that.  I think I’m done grading lyrics now.  The joke’s probably already old.  But I got that off my chest.  Also as a gift to my friend, Micah, I made a new elemental chinchilla.  Because Micah has been helping me out with a project I’m desperate to get right, and he deserves a fire chinchilla if he wants a fire chinchilla.  Here it is.  (see the last post if you’re confused)

Fire Chinchilla

If you’re wondering what this post has to do with writing, then keep wondering!

Sorry, that was rude.  I’m working on a thing (mentioned above) but I don’t want to share anything right now.  I’ll write about writing again soon.  Maybe there will be another chinchilla to go with it for some reason.

 

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Filed under Grammar, Humor, Language, Music, reading, writing

Title That Indicates I’m Going to be Talking About Romance Novels Again

I’ve been doing some research into romance novels.  This research has stemmed from a renewed attempt to figure out the genre, and how I can produce a work that fits the parameters of same.  In the interest of said research, I read one and a half new romance novels, bringing my total romance novel consumption to about twenty and a half, probably.  Maybe more.  I never stopped to count how many Sherrilyn Kenyon novels I’d read, because I wanted to maintain whatever shred of self respect I had left.

Anyway, at this point I believe I’ve come to some conclusions about a typical romance novel.  “Typical” in this case means “a straight man and a straight woman fall in love despite some obstacle or another.  And there are probably werewolves involved.”  I made notes in my phone.  Before we continue I am issuing a warning that there will be no graphic imagery but there will be sexual content in the writing that follows.  If the idea of this upsets you, stop reading.  I will forgive you!

Okay, here are the notes:

1. Each character must act like they’ve never before seen a member of the opposite sex that they were attracted to.

Match Made in Heaven

2. There must be a constant inner monologue from both characters’ perspectives about how attractive they find each other.  Remember to really beat that into the reader’s head.  I have to wonder what one person is doing while the other is weighing out all the pros and cons of having sex with them.  All I can think of is a scenario that goes something like this:

Offer-of-Sex

3. Women must be saved from their emotions.

4. Men must curse their emotions (in that said emotions lead to relationships, which men either fear or believe they don’t deserve due to their dark and brooding past).

5. (This is exactly how I typed it into my phone last night) A man waiting for consent before doing a sex is super gentlemanly and attractive.  If he both asks for consent and is ridiculously hot, then it is ok to have sex with him within 24 hours of meeting him.  A lasting, loving relationship is sure to ensue.

Note on #5: I have read two novels so far that treat consent like a novel concept.  The first did it horribly wrong, where the male lead – the love interest! – was undeniably assaulting the female lead, but she decided it was okay because, hey, at least he’s hot and deep down inside she really did want this, didn’t she?  I was appalled.  The second got a pass because the female lead had been raised in an emotionally abusive environment with people who constantly belittled her, so she was truly learning that consent was a thing she could expect and ask for.  Still I mean… let’s just get past this, okay?  I think it’d be a great help if romance novels just took consent as a given, and didn’t tout it as some sort of proof of the man’s character.  “He didn’t rape me, so he must be a gentleman!” just doesn’t work.

6. Men are always upset (at least once per book) by the unfortunate combination of their stiff and/or tight jeans and their erections.  It’s super uncomfortable for them, and the reader definitely needs to know that.  It is crucial to the plot.  The sexy, sexy plot.

Manhood

7. No butt stuff.  Butt stuff is neither romantic nor a symbol of twue wuv.  Only oral and vaginal sex are loving forms of sexual expression.  Reading the previous statements may very well have made you uncomfortable, and therein lies the root of the problem.  Sex with a stigma attached to it is not sexy.  Therefore it is not mentioned, hinted at, or overtly used in any way.

8. Every eleven words, at least one character thinks about how much they want to have sex/pictures the love interest naked/is actively having sex with that love interest.

9. A real man knows it’s his duty to bring a woman to orgasm before he has his own climax.  That’s just common courtesy.  Conversely, the woman does not owe the man pleasure.  His orgasm is not brought on by her actions, but is rather his reward for seeing to her needs first.  And because she’s hot.  He gets to orgasm because she is very attractive, as his inner monologue should have pointed out several times already.

So there you have it.  The results of my study.  If you were thinking about writing a steamy romance of your own, now’s your chance.  You have a handy little guide right here.

I’ll be writing soon about my second rewrite of Grotesque!  Ta!

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Other Things I’ve Been Doing

After my last post displayed me sitting in a corner, gathering dust, I decided to showcase a couple other things that I’ve been up to.  That way I won’t appear quite so lazy.  Don’t get me wrong – I’m plenty lazy.  Just not that lazy.  Even I have my limits.

First, I made a teeny tiny change to my personal appearance.  Some may remember the picture below from this post.  I actually fixed it up a little bit since I know how to use Photoshop better now.  And by “better” I mean I learned what the smudge tool was.

meandme2

Well… now there’s an even bigger problem…

Me and Me 2

Yeah, I got a haircut.  Once every few years or so I get bored with looking like Cousin Itt, so I get all my hair cut off.  The problem is exactly what Mini Bex is saying above: I now look nothing like my adorable little doppelganger.  Other than her signature purple shirt, her only real distinctive trait is her long, messy hair.  So does that mean Mini Bex will be getting a haircut, too?

Haircut

Nah.  She’s just fine the way she is.  I’m pretty sure no one would recognize her if she had shorter hair.  They’d be all like, “Wow, is there a new character in this blog?  Follow up question: Did she steal Mini Bex’s purple shirt?  Follow up to the follow up: Did she murder Mini Bex for her purple shirt?”

So Mini Bex gets to keep her long hair.

What else have I been doing?

Art, of a sort.

It all started when I was doing some calligraphy practice using chisel tip markers.

Original Aliens

Then, days later, I accidentally set something wet down on top of the paper.  This led me to discover something neat, and I started adding more water.

Aliens

Then I decided to take it a step further and start doing this stuff on purpose.  I chose to work with a line of poetry that I saw back in high school.  I never Googled where it came from until now.  The top search was “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock,” so I think that’s where it’s from.

Someone had used it for an art project.  They drew a picture of a person with their index finger hovering above a big red button, and they included the words “Do I dare disturb the universe?”  Those words always stuck with me.  So I did my own version.

Do I dare disturb the universe

Then I thought, “Why not take it a step further?”  So I started Googling some tribal tattoo designs for animals.  I started by making a tiger for my sister, which she put in an amazing frame:

Calligraphy Tiger

Then I made a dragon for my brother, which is also in an awesome frame right now:

Calligraphy Dragon

I did a horse for myself and an owl for my husband:

Calligraphy Horse

Calligraphy Owl

Then I decided to stop taking other people’s designs and start doing my own.  I’m really good at copying stuff, so when my sister-in-law requested a walrus, I drew one of my own.  Then I created my own tribal-inspired design for it, copied it with calligraphy markers and voila:

Calligraphy Walrus

To those artists out there who originally created the designs I used for the dragon, the horse, the owl, and the tiger:

I’m sorry I used your art without your permission and without crediting you.  I did not sell any of these drawings.  They were all gifts.  If it bothers you that you did not receive credit, please do send me an email and I will happily offer credit where credit is due.  Unfortunately it is hard to track down the original designer of a tattoo when said tattoo was found on Google Images.  I’m sure a person much smarter than I could do it, but I do not want to risk offering credit to the wrong person or website.

From now on, I will only be creating my own designs.  Now that I have the hang of it, I think I’ll be able to do a decent enough job.

Currently I’m working on a coyote, so I thought I’d show you the creative process now that I’m doing my own art.

Step 1: Sketch a coyote and his surroundings, then go over the lines with Sharpie to make them easier to trace.

Coyote 1

Step 2: Trace over the Sharpie coyote with pencil and begin developing shapes, rather than hard lines.

Coyote 2

Step 3: Go over pencil lines with Sharpie, eliminating the designs that don’t work.

Coyote 3

Step 4: Trace again, this time on parchment paper using a chisel tip calligraphy marker.  (In this case, multiple chisel tip calligraphy markers.  I find black creates the coolest effect, but sometimes a little color is nice, too).

Coyote 4

Step 5: Use paint brushes, a kitchen sponge, paper towels, and fingers to apply water.

Coyote Wet

Step 6: Wait for picture to dry.  Retouch certain lines and add last-minute details.

Coyote Dry

It’s a really fun pastime, though I must say it leaves its mark.

painted fingertips

On the sponge, too.

painted sponge

But my favorite part is looking at what happens to the paper towels I use.  This is the closest I’ve ever gotten to making art out of paper towels.

Paper Towels 1

Paper Towels 2

Paper Towels 3

So that’s what I’ve been up to!  Now you’re all caught up.

See ya next time!

P.S. I just glimpsed through my post with the flowchart from April, and at the very end I said something about wanting to talk about the “art of criticism.”  I must have had something in mind at the time, but for the life of me I can’t remember what that is.  If I figure it out, I’ll do a post on that next.

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Filed under art, books, Humor, poetry