Tag Archives: Romance novels

The Marriage of Romance and Horror

I just spent an inordinately long time in my bathroom yelling at an enormous spider on the floor while I hastily applied expensive cream to my cracked heels. That’s not relevant or anything, but when the spider started moving toward me, rather than away, I was incensed. I didn’t just yell at it–I lambasted and berated it. I’m seriously hoping I damaged its self-esteem a little bit.

A simplistic drawing of a sad spider with tears in its eyes. A thought bubble above the spider reads "I guess my best wasn't good enough..."

Anyway, the spider did not attack me, so that’s a win. I know I was doing a thing with epigraphs or something, but I’m so over that. I have ADHD, something I inform people about more often than I say my own name. What I’m going to talk about today is the newest project that plopped out of my brain: Gracefall [working title]

A moodboard with text in the middle that reads Gracefall in a calligraphic font. The surrounding images, on a gray, foggy background, are forests, mansions, and ominous looking creatures that fit a spooky, somewhat American gothic theme.
That’s right. I made a mood board (vision board?) for this project. The first and last I shall ever make, unless I decide to make another one sometime in the future.

Honestly, the reason I’ve been able to write books so quickly in recent years is mostly due to two things:

  1. An excess of preplanning that goes on in my head, often while I’m trying to fall asleep at night
  2. ADHD hyper-fixation/hyper-focus that aims and fires my attention at writing so much so that I often forget to eat or pee

(The reason I wrote books so quickly in the less-recent past is because they were bad books.)

With all the above being said, I have never written a book so quickly before. Two weeks ago, on Friday October 9th, I sat down to start writing. By Sunday the 11th, I had nearly 30,000 words written. Now (Friday October 23rd at time of writing), I am working on the climactic conclusion. This tells me that the book is either very good or very bad. Only time will tell! It’s a new endeavor for me, an attempt to marry horror with romance.

I have spoken before about how there is a surprisingly fine line between the two genres. Tip too much one way over the line, you lose the necessary elements from the other genre. It’s a delicate dance, like the image below which looks like an idyllic romantic romp until you study it a little further.

It’s a gif. Everybody gets that, right? I do not want to be accused of gaslighting anybody. And also I’m not clever enough to make one of those “Charlie the Choo Choo” type drawings a la Stephen King’s Dark Tower series that actually becomes more sinister the more you look at it. My point is that it’s hard to blend horror and romance, but I am trying. It has been a wonderful adventure. Even if the book ends up not so good, I definitely enjoyed the challenge. I can’t say for sure, but this feels like the first manuscript I have written where I constantly find myself writing and subsequently deleting paragraphs at a time as I feel my way through the story. My gut has been guiding me a great deal with feelings of, “No, that slows the pacing too much” or “Eh… this would happen in a contemporary romance, but…”

Even with that, I am stunned by the speed and ease with which this book has made its appearance.

So what’s the book about? It’s a gothic horror romance that is loosely based on Beauty & the Beast. For research, I read the original story, and let me just say… there are no dancing teapots in that one. Here’s a very brief teaser/synopsis:

The old gods do not waken to celebrate the death of innocence.

They waken to avenge it.

Hidden away in the cliffside forest of Rhode Island is a manor that many know about, but none can find. The locals call it Gracefall. Once belonging to the esteemed Weston family, who amassed wealth from ship building and trade, now it is nothing more than a local legend. A mythical place guarded by a fearsome beast that chases off—or kills—anyone who gets too close. No one has ever found solid proof that the estate existed.

Until an invitation to Gabriel Weston III’s engagement party lands on the desk of Brooke Kowalski, antique book expert.

With an address to go off of, Brooke sets off with her sometimes-boyfriend, Morgan, to track down the missing estate. When the beast makes its first appearance, Morgan runs scared, taking the car and leaving Brooke behind. She finds refuge in the manor, but soon learns she is not alone.

Here’s a brief excerpt/teaser*:

October 17, 1918

I am writing this here so that there might be an accounting of what happened to me, though I feel, I fear, no one’s eyes but my own will ever see these pages. My name is Gabriel Richard Weston III, and I have either taken full leave of my sanity, or I have been cursed by a god.

And here is one more (longer) excerpt*:

Using two fingers, I guided the pendulum of the metronome all the way to the left.

“Yes,” I said.

I pulled the pendulum all the way to the right.

“No.”

Hoping my message had been received, I moved the pendulum back to center position and released it. My heartbeat picked up as I stared at the device.

“Are you a ghost?” I asked.

A moment of silence followed my question, and then the pendulum slowly tipped over to the right, clicking once as it reached the base of the arc. It paused there for a beat, then resumed its center position.

“Will I be in danger if I stay here?”

The question had to be asked, but the house didn’t seem to know how to respond. The pendulum listed to one side a little, then back to the other. Maybe it needed specifics.

“Am I allowed to leave?”

More hesitation and dithering.

“Am I safe here? Inside the house,” I amended quickly.

The pendulum stayed still this time, resting in its centered position. For a moment, I wondered if the spirit of the manor had left me. Was the pendulum centered because no one was there to answer? Or because…

“What does that mean?” I demanded. “Maybe? I’m maybe safe? How can I be maybe safe? How?”

Of course the metronome couldn’t answer, and I wondered why “maybe safe” felt so much more dangerous than “definitely unsafe.”

*This disclaimer is probably not necessary, but these excerpts are from some kind of almost-first draft, a draft that is rougher than rough, so they are very much subject to change. Also I cut out a chunk from the middle of the second excerpt to keep some of the mystery alive, so don’t be surprised if/when you see the metronome conversation is much longer.

So that’s it! I’m very excited to talk more about my genre-merging journey, but (as always) this post is already quite long. Next time!

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My Twenty-Year Journey

Almost exactly twenty years ago, when I was thirteen years old and finishing up middle school, I wrote my first “book.” I put it in scare quotes because I’m sure the word count didn’t even approach 50,000, and also it was a book written by a sheltered thirteen-year-old horse girl with self-esteem issues. So it was by no means a good book. BUT it was the start of me wanting to write. I caught the bug, so to speak.

Incidentally, when I was teaching, I let my creative writing students read the first page of my thirteen-year-old self’s book and then roast me. You know, as a team-building exercise.

I don’t believe in fate or any kind of higher power. Or… I tell myself I don’t. But the fact that it’s been almost exactly twenty years… and I got this fortune out of a fortune cookie right after I started querying Falling for the Protagonist that said “Quiet faith will bring you boundless rewards soon”… Folks, I think my brain really wants to believe in fate.

Anyway, I have a literary agent now. And, folks (again), the impostor syndrome hit immediately. I didn’t even have a chance to let a single happy tear flow gently and poignantly down my cheek before my brain went numb with fear. It was a mental paralysis unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. What if I never wrote another book? What if I wasn’t as good at this as I thought? After all, I’d written many books in the past, and only two of them have been good so far. That’s not exactly a confidence-bolstering number.

A very frazzled mini Bex yelling "I forgot the alphabet! How many R's in hurricane? What even IS a book??"

I’m not saying this to earn what I can only call congratulatory pity, where you’re both patting my back exuberantly and also murmuring, “You poor dear,” at the same time. I just want to be as honest as possible about my experience. I also caught the teaching bug a long time ago, so I’ve always wanted this blog to be at least somewhat instructive and informative in nature.

Two bugs introducing themselves to each other as the writing bug and teaching bug respectively.
(yes I know “bug” in this idiom refers to a germ or sickness, but that’s not fun to draw)

Fortunately, the happy did eventually make an appearance. And boy is it cool. This is just so cool, guys. I started this blog when I was nineteen years old (still somewhat sheltered and at least partially a horse girl), and my writing journey has been fraught with twists and turns. Though I started writing twenty years ago, I didn’t start thinking seriously about getting published until I was around sixteen. Still, that’s a long time to be trying without success. So in that other post when I said, “Hang therein“, I meant it! This industry is fickle and stressful, but there is no time limit on success.

So how did this happen? I queried over 40 agents, and as I said in the above linked Hang Therein post, the rejections started coming in. This is Normal and Expected, but of course it hurts! Especially since I believed in the idea with all of my Disney-Loving, Happily-Ever-After-Craving heart! But THEN one day in February, my younger son woke me up at like 5:30AM, and as I was doing the sleepy zombie shuffle downstairs to make him a snack, I checked my phone.

Kate Rizzo of the Greene & Heaton agency in London had requested the full manuscript. I was so sleepy that I genuinely had an experience that I’d previously thought only existed in fiction: I questioned if I was dreaming. To be fair, I had had dreams in the past where I’d gotten good news from an agent. (Waking up from those dreams sucks by the way.)

The last time I had an agent, it was because I had interned for her, and I hadn’t yet been diagnosed with ADHD. So when she offered me representation, I said yes immediately (Thanks, impulsivity) even though I didn’t think we’d be a good fit. I had no idea that I could tell her I’d think about it, query other agencies, etc. I do not mean to badmouth my previous agent! I am so grateful to her for giving me and Hellbound a chance, for believing in what we could do, and for doing the best job she could for the book. But we weren’t a good fit. It’s okay to admit to yourself that an agent doesn’t feel like a good fit to you.

Anyway! Kate had requested the full manuscript. This is something not every writer knows, so I will say it plainly: A full request is good news because you are potentially one step closer to the goal, but it is not a guarantee of representation. An agent can and will reject a full MS if they read through it and decide the book isn’t for them after all. Typically, if this rejection happens, you will get more than the boilerplate email template rejection. The agent will give you a critique or summary of their reasoning for rejection.

Anyway, it is very hard to be extremely happy while simultaneously preparing yourself for rejection. Especially when rejections from other agents are still rolling in. I started to ask myself, “What are the chances that all these other people are saying no, but this one person is going to say yes?” (Spoiler Alert: The chances are pretty good. Because, as far as I can tell, that’s often how finding representation works; in a sea of disinterested fish, you find that one fish who is interested.)

I managed to handle the wait, but I don’t think it was easy to live with me at the time.

You already know how this story ends, so I won’t drag it out. Kate read the book, we chatted, she offered me representation, I took some time to think about it (Take that, ADHD!), and then we chatted again. It was during chat number 2 when I accepted representation.

And now I have a literary agent 20 years after I wrote The Dreamcatchers Dream Walkers.

I swear I don’t mean to be a Debbie Downer, but I also have to point out that having representation is not a guarantee of publication. The entire publishing process is a rejection factory.

A factory pumping out the word "NO" over and over again on a conveyor belt.

I understand this well, especially after my journey with Hellbound, and I’m only pointing this out because I don’t want anyone out there to be like, “Congrats on getting published!” I’m not published yet, but I’m certainly not trying to bring the mood down by pointing that out. The mood is great. The mood is moodtastic. Because, regardless of eventual publication (or lack thereof), it is so exciting and wonderful to have someone believe in you and your work. And, hey, if not this book, Kate and I can try another one! I’m looking forward to documenting my progress through this blog. I’m glad I impulsively decided (Hm… okay, you win this one, ADHD) to start it back up even though no one blogs anymore. I like having a record of where I’ve been and what I’m doing writing-wise.

If you’ve read this far, thanks! Wish me luck!

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Not Special Enough

I wrote this book recently. It’s called Falling for the Protagonist. I had a great time writing it. The premise is that a woman gets transported into a romance novel and sends the male protagonist spiraling into an existential crisis when he realizes he’s a book character. It’s funny but emotional (Big ups to me for making myself cry at one point during a reread!), satirical of the romance genre but also an homage to it. I’m quite proud of it. I’ll copy and paste the first few paragraphs at the bottom of this post for those who are interested.

I’ve been querying this book. Got a couple rejections. No big. Except for this one that stuck out to me. Short but sweet, it said:

Hello Bex,

Thank you so much for sending your materials for our review. We really enjoyed this and can see the potential in your writing.

Unfortunately, however, despite all that we liked, we didn’t quite fall in love with this as we had hoped, so we will not be offering representation at this time.

Now, don’t get me wrong. A response–any response–from an agency is a good thing. There are many who say that you just have to wait six to eight weeks and if you don’t hear from them, that’s a rejection. The ambiguity and the… I suppose anticlimax of it… can be frustrating. Not that I blame them one bit. Can you imagine taking the time to send out what must be hundreds of rejection emails every week? No thank you. I’m just saying, when I get a negative response, I appreciate it.

But being me, I started to close-read this thing a little. What it boils down to is: Your writing is great. We don’t like it anyway. (Yes, I’m putting words in their mouth. My writing might have come across to them as merely good or adequate, but allow me the paraphrase here for the sake of my ego.)

I’ve contended with this frustration for many years. I’m not saying I think they should have accepted my book. Quite the opposite, actually. There are some people who write back or get angry or try to argue with these agents (I know; I used to intern for one). And all I want to ask them is: Do you really want someone representing your work who feels anything less than enthusiastic about it? How are they going to sell it to others if they can’t even sell it to themselves?

This also ties into the age-old question that agents and editors get asked time and time again: What do you look for in a book? I understand why people ask this question as they’re hoping to get an edge on how to find representation, but it’s unfortunately just not possible to answer as this industry is entirely subjective. The usual answer is something along the lines of, “I need a really strong voice.” This translates to what I see as a universal truth:

Sometimes I pick up a book and I like it. Sometimes I pick up a book and I don’t like it.

Happens to me all the time. I’ll start reading something and the writing will be perfectly sound, but it doesn’t “grab me” as they say. And I can’t always put my finger on why. The truth is, an agent (or editor) has to pick up your book and feel the click. No click, no contract. They can’t say “I didn’t like your book, but I don’t know why” because writers would riot. But that’s the gist.

This all brings me back to the aforementioned frustration I’ve been contending with. I think my writing is good. Some of my books are better than others, and I always have room for growth, but I’ve crafted some solid stories. I believe my writing is special and unique. The problem is, and I’ve just started to wrap my head around this, everyone is special and unique. It’s true! You are unique! But in a world that celebrates only a select few special people, that only works if everyone else fails to be recognized for their specialness. There would be no Many to worship the Few otherwise. There are thousands of good writers out there who will never get a publishing contract, actors worthy of every award in the book who will never see a stage or the front end of a camera, singers with voices like angels who won’t get a recording contract. You get it.

I know there is a very good chance that I will never see my work published (the traditional way). It’s just the way it goes. I’m special. I believe that. But I’m not special enough. LEST YOU THINK I AM GOING TO END THIS POST ON A MAJOR DOWNER…

It’s not my job to be the motivational poster on your wall. I’d suck at it anyway. Although… I did make this one.

But only because I thought it was funny!

The point is, I see no harm in trying again and again. If I lost track of Why (with a capital W) I write (i.e. because I enjoy it), that would be the real downer. As long as I’m writing, and I don’t see myself stopping, why not query? Why not put myself out there? A thousand rejections hurt, but I firmly believe you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. So go for it. If you don’t believe in your own specialness, how can anyone else?

Huh. I guess I became a motivation poster anyway.

Here’s a teaser of Falling for the Protagonist:

Chapter One

The back corner of the bar known as Bonne Nuit echoed with the jovial, slightly manic, titters and squeals that could only belong to a group of women who were two hours into a bachelorette party. Emmy Miura kept smiling as the feminine chaos surrounded her and tried to tamp down on the deep, heartfelt longing she felt for her comfy pants. They were at home all alone, probably missing her. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d left them for so long on a Saturday night. Trying not to sulk, she shifted around until the strapless cocktail dress she’d bought for the occasion—at her sister’s subtle insistence—settled a little more comfortably around her.

“Deep breaths,” her best friend of a million years, Sarah, murmured to her.

“I am a bad person for wanting to leave.”

“You are a good sister for staying.”

That was one way to look at it, and Emmy did enjoy seeing May’s happiness, which was flowing more readily than the happy hour specials. Her sister, adorned with a sparkling headband that was coated in curlicues of metallic ribbon, was leaning over to listen to one of her friends. Whatever the friend said lit up May’s face.

“Yes!” she cried. “Yes, absolutely. I have to tell the story. I don’t even care if everyone’s already heard it a million times. Emmy, cover your ears.”

Emmy immediately went on alert. “Why?”

“Because I’m going to tell—shh seriously, guys, this is good—I’m going to tell the story of how me and Luis met. Emmy hates this because she is a cynic and a nonbeliever, but I’m telling it anyway because it is my party!”

“Oh Jesus.”

“How did they meet?” Sarah asked.

“She went to a sex psychic,” Emmy muttered under her breath.

“Sorry. Run that by me one more time?”

Emmy gestured to her sister, indicating Sarah should listen to May, and repeated, “She went to a sex psychic.”

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